Love Will Always Win
by Kellybccgtsfan
Summary: I had the idea for this story after making a fan video to the song "Love Will Always Win." Basically no matter what obstacles Anna and Bates go through, in the end they will always be together. This is my first attempt at fan fiction in years, so I hope you enjoy it. I plan to update several times a week. Please leave a review.
1. Chapter 1

"Love Will Always Win"

Chapter One

John walked into their bedroom and smiled and the sight before him. Anna always looked beautiful when she was sleeping. This morning was no exception. She was on her side, and her hand was tucked under her chin. Her mouth was formed in a slight smile, as if she was having a pleasant dream. He hoped she was. She had been so upset in recent weeks, ever since Matthew Crawley had died in the automobile accident. Being Lady Mary's ladies maid, Anna had dealt with the grief of it on a daily basis and it had taken its toll. That was why he was thankful she was going on this trip with Lady Cora. Lady Cora was going to London for a few weeks and had asked Anna to be her ladies maid for the trip. Normally O'Brien would have been the one to go, but she was still recovering from a bout of the flu that had stricken her several weeks ago. Anna was to go ahead early with some of the staff to set things up and Lady Cora would be joining them in a few days. John was going to miss her terribly, but he knew that going away for a few weeks would be just the thing she needed to put some color back in her cheeks and the light back in her eyes.

John looked at the clock, and sighed. As much as he would love to be able to let her wake naturally, he knew he had to wake her if she was going to be able to get everything done that needed to be done before she left this afternoon. He slowly walked to her side of the bed, and sat down gently. He began to slowly stroke her face, moving some hair off her forehead. He bent down and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. Anna frowned slightly at the contact and then her features settled once again into the slight smile as she sighed gently.

"Anna, my love, you have to wake up."

Anna scrunched her face up and shook her head. "Five more minutes."

John had to laugh. They had this same discussion every morning when he was the first to rise and had to wake her. "No, darling, you cannot have five more minutes. You must get up."

Anna slowly opened her eyes. "You're a mean husband; you know that, don't you?"

John laughed as he bent down to brush his lips against hers. "Yes, I know. This mean husband has made you breakfast. Would you like me to bring up or will you take it downstairs?"

Anna stretched and sat up and smiled as she reached for her husband's hand. She reached up and brushed another kiss across his lips. For a moment John allowed the kiss to deepen, but with a deep sigh he pulled away. She frowned slightly, as John placed one more kiss on her lips before standing up.

"Sorry, my love, but I have to leave in a few minutes and you have to start preparing for your trip."

Anna nodded and started to get out of bed. "I know. I will miss you terribly, John." She reached for her robe and put it on. "I wish her ladyship had asked another maid to go with her."

"She asked for you because you are the best and I think she knew you needed to get away for a few days. This trip will be good for you, Anna."

Anna sighed; she knew her husband was right. The past few weeks had been so hard. Lady Mary was still in a state of shock and grieving terribly and often the burden of comfort fell on her. She was happy to be there for Lady Mary, who had been a source of such support when John was in jail, but even Anna had to admit she couldn't take much more. As much as Anna would miss John, she knew this was what she needed; deep down she knew she needed to go.

She reached for John's hand and they both slowly began to walk to the door. "I will come down in a few minutes for breakfast. As soon as I wash up and get dressed."

John nodded and started toward the stairs. He watched as she walked toward the bathroom and smiled as she shut the door. This would be the first time they were apart in months. He was really going to miss her.

* * *

Anna had just closed the clasp on her traveling satchel when she heard the front door of the cottage open. She smiled; John had mentioned that he would try to get home for an hour or so before she had to leave so they could say a proper goodbye. She had been hopeful he would succeed, but if she had learned anything about working at Downton it was that schedules could always change, and plans were often cancelled. So she was thrilled that John had managed to slip away. She quickly left the bedroom and was just headed down the stairs, when John turned the corner and looked up at her. It took her breath away a little bit as he smiled up at her, his eyes sparkling and crinkling in the corners. She loved his smile.

"You managed to get away."

He nodded, "I have an hour; his Lordship is in a meeting."

"Let me fix you something to eat then." Anna started heading down the stairs, but stopped as John moved to block her.

"As nice as that sounds, I could think of a far better way to spend the next hour. " His voice grew deeper as he finished his sentence.

Anna blushed and smiled. Her blush only grew as she noticed his eyes darken as he looked her up and down. She slowly licked her lips. She took a few steps back until she was on the landing, "Why Mr. Bates, whatever do you mean?" She smiled at him and let out a little giggle as he let out a little growl and met her on the landing at the top of the stairs.

He reached out his arms and pulled Anna flush against him. He brought his hand to her face and tilted her chin up towards him. "I love you and I am going to miss you so much." He slowly lowered his head and closed the distance between them. The lips met and Anna moaned as their kiss deepened. John's fingers fanned through her hair and she had the brief thought that she was glad she had not pinned it up yet. John briefly pulled away so he could grab her hand and lead her to the bedroom. They resumed their kiss as they walked through the door, and Anna reached to take off John's jacket and he started to unbutton her uniform. Soon the jacket and the uniform were on the floor joined by the rest of their clothing. They had just enough time to say a proper goodbye.

* * *

The staff had turned out to say goodbye to Anna and the other staff members who were getting set to leave for London. Anna said goodbye to Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes and the rest of the staff, who had all turned away discreetly as Anna saved her last goodbye for her husband. John pulled her into his arms and placed a soft kiss on the top of her head. "Have a safe trip, my love. The time will go by fast."

Anna fought back tears as she pulled away to look up at her husband. She would miss him so. "I will miss you John. I will call you from the house as soon as I arrive and I shall write you every day!"

John smiled and kissed her softly. "Just try and have a good time, go for long walks, maybe even see a show if you have the time. I will miss you too." His kissed her again, keeping it chaste as they were still in view of the other staff. He pulled away and grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips. "I love you."

Anna smiled up at him, and reached up to cup his cheek. She kissed him one last time, "I love you too." She clasped his hand in a tight squeeze before stepping back. They shared once last smile before Anna turned towards the waiting wagon. She climbed and settled down. As the cart pulled away she turned and looked at John. She waved one final time.

John watched as the cart left and waved once more before it turned the corner and Anna was out of view. He took a deep breath and headed towards the servant's entrance. He knew he would only have a few minutes before his Lordship rang to change for dinner. He hoped to stay busy over the next few weeks, and could only hope that would make the time apart from Anna go more quickly.

* * *

John walked slowly down the servants hallway, his cane making a clicking noise in the silence. John had been working non-stop since Anna's departure. He would be thankful to sit and have a bite to eat and relax for a little while before his lordship rang to change into his night clothes. It wasn't until he sat down that he realized that Anna should have arrived in London a few hours ago. He frowned slightly as he wondered why she hadn't rang yet, but relaxed when he realized she probably had duties she had to fulfill before calling him.

The rest of the staff was already eating and he smiled at Daisy as she placed a bowl of soup and a roll in front of him. He had just taken his first bite when the phone rang. He watched as Mr. Carson put his spoon down and rose to answer it. John hoped it was Anna. Even though it had only been a few hours since her departure he longed to hear her voice. He looked up as Mr. Carson re-entered the room. He frowned at the look on the butler's face, his frown deepened as he bet to whisper to Mrs. Hughes. As he watched a look of horror cross the housekeeper's face and the color fade from her cheeks, John felt a deep feeling of dread. Something was wrong. He wondered if it was the Dowager. She had been unwell the past few days and he hoped she hadn't taken a turn for the worse.

He watched as Mrs. Hughes rose from her seat and stood next to Mr. Carson. By now the rest of the staff realized something was wrong and they all looked towards the pair, waiting to hear what was wrong. John felt of jolt of surprise when instead of looking at the entire staff both sets of eyes found him. He began to panic, surely nothing had happened with Anna. She was only going to London. What could have happened in the time it took to get from Downton to there?

Mrs. Hughes spoke up. "Mr. Bates will you please join Mr. Carson and I in his office." John looked at her trying to sense what the issue was, but she quickly moved her eyes away, but not before John saw the sheen of tears. He felt is heart start to pound and a bead of sweat broke out on his forehead. He slowly rose and reached for his cane. He felt the glances of the rest of the staff on his back as he followed the elder staff members out of the dining room. He entered the office and quickly turned to face his superiors.

"What is it? Is it Anna?" He noticed how his voice cracked on his wife's name and took a deep breath. "Please tell me."

Mr. Carson took a deep breath before speaking. "Mr. Bates I am afraid there has been an accident"

John tried to listen, as Mr. Carson went on. He heard bits and pieces. Apparently the train had de-railed and there had been a fire. There were a lot of injuries and the scene was still chaotic.

John looked up, "But they have found Anna, and she is okay, right? Please tell me they have found my wife." He knew how desperate his voice sounded, but he didn't care. He just wanted to know that Anna was okay. He watched as Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes looked at each other. He saw the look that passed between them. His eyes filled with tears and he felt the panic begin to rise in him. "Please, just tell me. Where is Anna?"

Mrs. Hughes looked at him with sadness in her eyes, "Mr. Bates, they have not found Anna yet. The most damage was in the part of the train she was sitting in. The fire was intense. They cannot get to those cars yet. They don't think anyone from that section could have survived the crash and the fire."

Mr. Carson starting speaking again, but John barely heard him. He was aware of his cane hitting the floor and of the tears falling down his cheeks. Then he heard nothing. Just silence. Just blackness.

It was impossible. His Anna couldn't be gone.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you so much for all the reviews! I had not planned to update so soon, but you were all so kind, so I stayed up late to write the next chapter! Thank you again!

Chapter 2

John didn't know how long he had been sitting in Mr. Carson's office. He remembered the butler and the housekeeper leaving, telling him to stay there as long as he wanted to. How long would he need? Could he stay here forever and just pretend he hadn't just had his life destroyed? How could she be gone? He would never see her smile at him again; never see her laugh when he sang off-key as he was shaving. He would never kiss her lips or stroke her hair again. She wouldn't be there when he got home late from work with a cup of tea and a warm embrace. They would never again talk about the children they wanted to have. A little girl that looked just like her and a little boy with his dark hair and green eyes. He felt empty.

He looked over at Mr. Carson's desk. He saw the place where he kept the liquor. He knew where the key was, it would just be a simple few steps to grab a bottle and numb the pain. He could just forget everything but the warm taste of the alcohol. He shook his head at the thought. It would do no good to go down that path again. Anna deserved better. Her memory deserved better.

He was vaguely aware of the office door opening. He looked up, expecting to see Mr. Carson, but was surprised to see Mrs. Hughes. He shouldn't be surprised; she had always been the nurturer in times of trouble. He watched as she walked into the room and came to stand in front of him. He looked up at her, as she spoke.

"Mr. Bates, is there anything I can do?"

He let out a laugh that finished on a choked sob. What could she possibly do? Could she bring Anna back? Could she set back the clock to this morning, when his beautiful wife was still alive; could she make this feeling of complete emptiness go away? He looked up at her. He tried to speak, to tell her that there was nothing anyone could ever do again, but the words would not come. Instead he just looked down and let the darkness envelop him.

Mrs. Hughes immediately sat down and grabbed his hand. "I have no idea what you are going through Mr. Bates, but I want you to know that we all loved Anna very much and we will all be here for you for as long as you need us to be."

He looked at their joined hands and then at her face. He could see the sympathy in her eyes, the pity. He didn't want it. He didn't deserve it. He should have known better than to let his guard down these past months. He should have known not to count on the happiness. He wasn't meant for it. He'd always known it, but with Anna he could forget it. Well the fates had seen fit to remind him.

He cleared his throat. "Anna always had faith. She had faith I could do my job when I first came here. She had faith in me, even when she knew I had been to prison. She had faith I would obtain a divorce when Vera came back. She had faith it would be okay when I faced death. She had faith that we would have a long, happy life together. She always had faith. Without her, I have none. It's all gone. There is nothing. Without Anna, I am nothing." He felt himself breaking down again. "Oh god, I don't know how to live without her." She couldn't be gone. His life couldn't be gone. The sobs overtook his body, he was barely aware of Mrs. Hughes wrapping her arms around him. They stayed that way for hours. Until there were no more tears to cry. Until he was so exhausted that his body shut down. He sat back and closed his eyes. It was only moments before the darkness took over and he fell into an exhausted slumber. He never even heard the door close as Mrs. Hughes took her leave.

* * *

His eyes opened and for a moment he forgot where he was. He reached for Anna, but only got air. Then it all came crashing back. His Anna was gone.

He sat up, wincing as his body protested the position he had slept in. He looked around the office. He had no idea how long he had been asleep or what time it was. He knew he had to leave. As much as he wanted to never leave this room, he knew there were things to be done. He wasn't quite sure what those things were though. What does one do when one's life is over? There had to be some protocol. He supposed he would have to ask his Lordship. He had done it twice in the past year. He shook his head. There had been so much death these past few years. Too much. They had all been so young; William, Miss Swire, Lady Sybil, Sir Matthew, and now his Anna.

He slowly stood up, his bad leg protesting. He spied his cane lying on the floor and bent to retrieve it. He was surprised at the sudden urge to escape. He just wanted to get out of here; he wanted to go to the cottage, where he could surround himself with Anna's memory. Would their house know she was gone? He shook his head at having such a crazy thought.

He opened the door and looked out. It seemed to be night. The rooms were dark, and thankfully silent. He could leave without being noticed. He slowly left the office and headed for the back entrance. There was no one there to stop him, and he was able to slip out.

He began the journey home…well it wasn't really home anymore. Not without Anna. He had walked this path a thousand times with her. They had tried to leave their cottage together as much as possible. They would clasp hands and just enjoy being together. They would make small talk about what their day entailed, or the weather or the book they happened to be reading. It was all perfect because they were together and they were happy. He remembered them walking the path back to the main house this afternoon, after they had said their private goodbye. They had made plans to go to Ripon on their next half day off together and take care of some errands that needed to be done. It had all seemed so simple a few hours ago. How could it have all been ripped away in just a few short hours?

He reached the cottage and was surprised to see a light on. Who was in their cottage? His heart sped up. It was Anna! It had all been a mistake. She was waiting for him. She would greet him with a smile and a warm embrace and they would laugh at the mistake he had made. They would laugh and how silly he had been to believe she could ever leave him. He walked as fast as his leg would take him and threw open the door.

"Anna!" "Anna, my love, where are you?" He went into their sitting room and stopped short. It wasn't Anna after all. He knew it had been ridiculous to think it had been her. Obviously someone had come by to stoke up the fire and turn on the lights so he wouldn't come back to a dark cold house. He would have preferred if he had. It would have matched his heart.

He turned and headed upstairs, he didn't really know what to do. He went to their bedroom and saw the bed made and noticed that a pair of his pajamas had been set out on his side of the bed. Anna had always thought of him. Even when she had so much to do for her trip, she still found the time to make things easier for him. He went to her side of the bed. He looked at the table. He saw her brush and her book, with the bookmark in it. She would never finish it. She would never know how the story ended. He got into bed and placed his head on her pillow. It smelled like her. He felt the tears come again. He had thought they would be all gone. He held onto the pillow and let the pain flow. He was thankful when the darkness came again. He let it wash over him.

* * *

It was a few hours later when he finally opened his eyes. It took him a minute to realize what had woken him up. There was someone knocking at the door. He ignored it. He didn't want to see anyone. He just wanted to be left with what was left of his wife. He closed his eyes, but quickly opened them again as he recognized the sound of the front door opening. Who would enter his home without permission? He rose from the bed and reached for his cane. He had just reached the door when he heard the voice.

"Bates? Bates, where are you?"

John closed his eyes; it was no surprise that he Lordship would look for him. Their relationship had always been an unconventional one. They were more friends, then servant and master. He started down the stairs. "I am right here my Lord." He watched as his lordship looked up and could barely stand to see the pity in his eyes.

"Bates, I looked for you at Downton, but you must have slipped away."

"Yes, my Lord. I just wanted to come home."

Robert nodded, taking in his valet's appearance. He looked ten years older. His eyes bloodshot, his hair a mess, his suit wrinkled. He looked like a broken man. He supposed he was. He didn't really know what to say. What was there to say? He hadn't known what to say to Tom or to Mary, either. What could you say? How did it feel to lose half of yourself? He hoped to God he would never know. He took a deep breath. He knew what must be said, as much as he didn't want to have to say it.

"Bates, I am so sorry. We all loved Anna…" He stopped as John cut him off.

"My Lord, would you like to sit down?" Even in his grief, John was still formal, still following the rules. Robert shook his head. "Bates, I can't even imagine what you are going through, and I wish I didn't have to add to your burden, but we just received a phone call."

"A phone call?"

Robert took a deep breath. He felt like he would be breaking the man's heart all over again. "Yes, from London. They think-"He stopped. How could he say this? How could he tell Bates this news?

John looked at his lordship struggling. It hit him like a forceful wind. He knew what his lordship was here to say. What else could the police have called for? "They found her? They found my Anna?"

He watched as Robert nodded. "They think so, Bates. Anna was the only person still missing. They found her this morning. They will need someone to come identify her." John felt himself fall on to the couch, thankful it was there to break his fall. They had found his wife. The only thought was that he had to be the one to go, he had to see her one last time. He had to say goodbye. He looked up at his lordship. "My Lord, I must go to London. I have to bring her home."

He saw the shock that passed Robert's face. "Bates, that isn't necessary. We will send someone. You shouldn't see her like that. That shouldn't be your last memory."

John stood up, finally feeling like he a purpose in all of this. "No. I will not let anyone else bring my wife back. I will not let Anna come home with anyone but her husband. I owe her that much. She is my wife, and I shall bring her home."

Robert nodded, he knew Bates, knew he wouldn't change his mind. "Okay. At least let me come with you Bates. You shouldn't have to do this alone."

John nodded. "Very well my Lord."

John saw Robert out, and then headed back upstairs. He went into the bedroom and settled on the bed, reaching for Anna's pillow. He grasped her pillow, holding it tight in his embrace. He would have to settle for the pillow. He would never hold his wife again. He felt the grief overwhelm him again. How could there be any left?

* * *

They left for London the following morning, arriving by mid-afternoon. It was only a short drive to the hospital. John put his hand out as his Lordship prepared to get out of the car. "My Lord, please, I need to do this by myself. Anna wouldn't want anyone else to see her like this."

He saw Robert nod. "I understand Bates. You take as long as you need." John nodded and headed towards the hospital entrance. He took a few deep breaths. He could do this. He had to be strong for Anna. He walked in and went to the front desk.

"I am here for my wife."

* * *

John followed the nurse down the hallway. He hated that Anna had spent one moment in this pit in the basement. They stopped in front of a set of double doors. He watched as the nurse spoke to a gentleman sitting at the desk. The man looked up, and John saw the sympathy on his face. The man cleared his throat. "Mr. Bates, you don't have to do this. Perhaps there is someone else who can identify the body? Maybe-"

John cut him off. "She is not a body, her name is Anna. Please I want to see her."

The man nodded and raised his arm, signaling for John to follow him. John took a deep breath and entered the room. He fought the urge to turn and run out. He couldn't do that to Anna. He saw the orderly stop in front of a table. He could see a form under the sheet. He felt his knees weaken. This was it. This was the moment. Anna was under that sheet. As soon as that sheet was lowered, it would all be real. It would all be over. He felt himself step up to the table. He looked down at the sheet. The form underneath it seemed so small. He choked back a sob, of course Anna was petite. It had always been a bit of a joke between them, how Anna barely reached his chest. He felt the sob escape, but pushed the others back down. He would not cry, not here. He nodded to the orderly to lower the sheet.

He saw the hair first, and felt the air escape him. Slowly the face was revealed, and he felt the room spin. He saw the orderly reach out to catch him. He laughed. He saw the shock on the orderly's face. Didn't the orderly realize? John shook his head as he stood back up. Of course not, how could he? He had never seen Anna before. He remembered what his Lordship had said. How Anna was the only one who hadn't been identified. He smiled as he looked at the orderly's face.

"It isn't her. It isn't my Anna."

His wife was alive.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The poor woman wasn't Anna. A million questions ran through his mind. Where was Anna? Was she okay? Was she hurt? How could this have happened? He looked over at the shocked face of the orderly. He imagined the poor man thought he had cracked under the grief. He stepped away from the table, gesturing for the man to cover up the poor woman lying on the table.

"This isn't my wife. My wife doesn't have brown hair and her skin is much fairer." He felt a giant weight lift off his shoulders as he spoke. Anna was alive. He just had to find her. He looked at the orderly. "How did you come to identify this woman as Anna Bates?"

The orderly finally spoke. "She had a purse in her hands. Her traveling information was in it."

John nodded, "May I see the purse?"

The orderly nodded and went to a cabinet near the back of the room. He returned a few moments later with a box. He removed a black purse and handed it to John. John opened the purse and recognized a few of Anna's things. A handkerchief he had given her, a small mirror she loved, and a small tin of the peppermints she knew he liked.

"This is definitely Anna's purse, but that woman is not my wife. I don't know how she got my wife's purse, but does that mean my wife has hers? Is Anna lying in a hospital bed with this woman's identity?"

The orderly seemed to be rendered speechless. John wasn't surprised; he probably didn't deal with things like this on a normal basis. "I think I should talk to whoever is in charge here. I need to find my wife."

* * *

Robert was beginning to wonder if he should go in and see if Bates was alright. The man had been in there for over an hour. He respected his valet's need to say goodbye, but what if they man was so distraught he couldn't make himself leave poor Anna's side? He was just about to open the door when he saw Bates walking down the steps. He was shocked to see the man smiling. "Bloody hell, has he snapped?" Robert mumbled to himself. Robert stepped out of the car, not sure how to handle this. What if Bates wasn't of sound mind? "Bates, are you okay?"

John nodded, "My lord, it wasn't Anna. Anna is alive."

Robert frowned, now he was sure Bates had snapped. He silently cursed himself for not going in with the poor man. Seeing Anna's remains must have been too much. He would have to get him back to the house and call a doctor. "Bates, let me get you home and we can talk about this."

John put his hand out and stopped Robert. John realized how he must sound. "My Lord, I am not crazy. The woman was not Anna. She had Anna's purse, with her traveling information in it, so they assumed she was Anna."

"I don't understand Bates. Where is Anna, then?"

"That is what I mean to find out my lord. She must have been miss-identified as well. She has to be in one of the hospitals in London. I spoke to the man in charge and he told me the victims were taken to two hospitals near the station."

Robert nodded; he had to admit he was in a bit of shock himself. He looked at Bates and it was like looking at a new man. The shadows were gone from his eyes, replaced by hope. "Bates, this is just incredible."

John let out a laugh. He couldn't believe how quickly things had changed. He had come here a broken, defeated man and was leaving with the hope and knowledge that is wife was alive. "It is my lord. It is a miracle."

Robert nodded, "What hospital do you want to visit first?"

* * *

John and his lordship pulled up to The London Hospital. John waited for his lordship to exit the car before getting out. He looked up at the massive building.

His wife was in there somewhere. The first hospital they had gone to only had three victims and they had all been men. He was told the remaining victims had been taken here. He looked at his Lordship. "This is it my lord. Anna has to be in there."

Robert nodded, but he had to admit he still had a lingering feeling of doubt. He wanted Anna to be alive, but it all seemed so unbelievable. He was afraid this was all a mistake and Bates would be devastated all over again. He shook his head as if to clear it. "Let's go then Bates. Let's find your Anna." They walked up the steps and entered the hospital.

Robert watched as Bates walked up to the desk and began talking to the woman on duty. It had only been a few minutes when Bates came back holding a piece of paper. He showed Robert the list. "I have a list of the women who were admitted from the accident. They couldn't give me any other details. I will have to go room to room until I find Anna."

Robert nodded, "Why don't we both look, Bates. We will find Anna in half the time that way." John nodded and ripped the list in half.

"Thank you my Lord. Please if you find her, come get me immediately."

Robert nodded and they both set off in opposite directions.

* * *

John took a deep breath. There was only one name left on the list; Enid Brown in room 348. His Lordship had finished his portion of the list and was waiting down the hallway. John had asked him to wait there. If this was Anna, he wanted time to be alone with her. He shook his head. This had to be Anna. He felt the doubts begin to creep into his thoughts as he walked down the hallway. What if she wasn't Anna? What would he do then? What other option would there be other than his wife was dead? John shook his head. He refused to think that. This woman had to be Anna.

John had stopped at the nurse's station when he had arrived on the floor. At first the nurse refused to give him any information, but after explaining the situation and who he was, she had told about the woman in 348. According to the nurse, the woman in 348 had a head injury and had not regained consciousness yet. She also had some cuts and bruises, but the head injury seemed to be the only serious injury. It appeared that the nurse wanted to say something else, but stopped herself. John thought about questioning her, but he just wanted to get the room and see if it was Anna.

He stopped as he saw a closed door with the number 348. This was it. He slowly opened the door and stepped in. His eyes were drawn to a bed near the window. He could see someone was lying there, but the drapes were pulled shut so it was too difficult to see anything. He slowly walked over to the bed and looked down. A sob escaped him and he sat down heavily in a chair that was next to the bed.

It was Anna. The woman he loved more than anything else in the world. He took in her features. She was bruised and had several cuts on her face. Her head was heavily wrapped with a bandage. She looked so young. He could tell it was her though. He ran a hand down her beautiful hair but stopped before he reached the bandage. He wanted to touch her face but was afraid it would cause her pain. Instead he reached for her hand, and let out another sob as he saw her wedding ring.

"Anna. Oh Anna. My love." He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it gently as he sobbed.

His world was right again.

* * *

Robert knocked softly before entering the room. He gasped a little as he saw Anna. She was very bruised and had a bandage wrapped around her head. Bates was sitting in a chair next to her, just holding her hand. Bates looked up as Robert entered the room and wiped away the tears on his face.

"My lord. I'm sorry. I should have come to you and told you that I had found her."

Robert shook his head. "It's fine Bates. You are right where you should be."

John nodded and turned back to look at his wife.

"It is truly wonderful Bates. A miracle. Will she be okay?"

"I believe so my Lord. She has a head injury and has not been awake, but the nurse did not seem too concerned. "

Robert nodded and came to stand beside his valet. He placed a hand on his shoulder. "This is truly a wonderful day Bates."

John started to speak, but stopped as the door opened and a man in a white coat stepped into the room. John stood up as the doctor approached Anna's bed.

"Mr. Bates?" When John nodded, the doctor continued. "I am Dr. Grant. First off, let me say how sorry we all are about the mistake we made in identifying your wife."

John shook his head, "That does not matter, sir. All that matters is that I have found my wife. Do you think she will wake up soon?

The doctor shook his head. "I can't give you a direct answer, Mr. Bates. Your wife has suffered head trauma and it is not uncommon for a person to take a some time to wake up. We will see how the next few hours go before we become too concerned."

John nodded and released the breath he had been holding. He looked down at Anna. "And her other injuries? "

"She does have a few burns we have to keep an eye on, but the rest of her injuries are superficial and nothing to be concerned with. We were concerned when we found out about the baby but—"

John heard himself gasp. He looked up from Anna and glanced at his lordship before turning to look at the doctor. Surely he had misunderstood. "Baby? Anna is pregnant? How? I mean why?" John shook his head, he sounded like a bumbling idiot. "I'm sorry, Doctor. This is just a shock. I didn't know. The baby is okay, though?"

The doctor nodded. "As far as we can tell, the baby is fine. She is about three months along, Mr. Bates. She might not even been aware of it herself. Had she been feeling unwell?"

John thought back over the past month and did recall Anna mentioning several times that she felt fatigued and a little nauseous. However she had been working so much trying to help Lady Mary, and they both agreed the symptoms were probably a result of over-work. They never even considered anything else.

John began to confirm the doctor's question, when a slight sigh and cough turned his attention back to the bed. He quickly turned back and grabbed Anna's hand again. He watched her as her mind tried to wake up. He smiled as she frowned and scrunched up her face. He had to chuckle. Even here in the hospital after being asleep for so long, she fought the urge to wake up.

John squeezed her hand, "Anna, my love. Please wake up."

He watched as Anna shook her head back and forth. She reached up with her other hand and touched the bandage. Her eyes opened slowly and he became concerned at how unfocused they seemed. However after blinking a few times, they became more clear and focused on him.

He smiled at the sight of her beautiful blue eyes looking at him, and felt a tear trickle down his cheek. "Anna, love. Can you hear me?"

She nodded, but John noticed the confusion in her eyes. He frowned. She was probably wondering where she was. "Anna, do you remember what happened?" When she shook her head, John continued. "You were in an accident and you are in the hospital. You are going to fine though." Anna nodded. She tried to speak but had to clear her throat several times. When she was finally able to speak, it was slightly hoarse.

"My head hurts." John nodded. He started to speak, but stopped when he felt the doctor come to the bed. "I am afraid you will feel some pain over the next few weeks. In addition to the burns, cuts and bruises, you also suffered a head injury, Mrs. Bates."

Anna looked up sharply as the doctor said her name. John saw the confusion on her face. She glanced at the doctor, and then looked at John. "Wha-what did you call me?"

John felt his heart stutter. Surely it wasn't possible? He looked down at Anna, who was still looking at him; she looked scared and confused. He tried to stop himself from asking her, but the words just came out. "Anna, don't you remember? Don't you remember that we are married? He couldn't help but wince at the panic in his voice. He needed to keep it together. The last thing he wanted to do was scare her more.

Anna tried to sit up, but the pain hit her and she once again settled back on the bed. "Married? Mr. Bates we have only known each other for a few months—" She stopped at the look in John's eyes and watched as he turned to look at the doctor.

John looked at the doctor with a growing sense of dread. She didn't remember. Anna thought it was 1912. She had lost the past 9 years of her life. She didn't remember anything about their life together.

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Don't hate me! If I had ended it all happily in this chapter, the story would have been over already! Please leave your reviews, they mean so much to me. I will have the next chapter up sometime this weekend! Thanks so much for reading my story. :)


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: For the purpose of this story Anna doesn't remember anything after episode one of DA.

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Chapter 4

Anna lay on the bed as she watched Mr. Bates, his Lordship and the doctor talk on the other side of the room. Her mind was going a million miles an hour. She didn't really understand what was happening. Everything was all jumbled up in her mind. Of course the hardest thing to try and wrap her mind around with this apparent memory loss was the fact that everyone seemed to think she was married to Mr. Bates. She liked Mr. Bates, even cared for him, but married to him? How could that be? She clasped her hands together and felt a little jolt of shock as she felt the ring on her left finger. She looked down at her hand and realized she was wearing a wedding ring. This was just all too much. She felt her eyes begin to fill with tears and blinked quickly several times to clear them away. She knew it was important to keep a clear head.

She closed her eyes and as she tried to remember what she had been doing before she woke up in the hospital. She shook her head in frustration, everything was just so fuzzy. She just kept on seeing bits and pieces of things. She saw herself laughing with Gwen as they got ready for bed, and getting Lady Mary dressed for some party. She saw herself having tea with Mr. Bates, smiling at something he had said. She couldn't remember any specific details though. All she could seem to recall were flashes of memories.

She looked back over at the corner where the men were talking. She wished she could hear what they were saying. She found herself staring at Mr. Bates. She wondered what their married life was like. Were they happy? She wondered how their wedding had been, and laughed at the absurdity of it all. How could she not remember her own wedding? She felt herself blush and she wondered if they had had a wedding night. She shook her head a bit and winced as she felt the pain. She touched her head and wondered how badly she had hit her head. Obviously it had been bad, since she couldn't remember anything. Would it be permanent? Would she ever remember the past nine years?

She came back to the present as the men once again came to her bedside. She was distressed to see the sadness in Mr. Bates' eyes. He looked shell-shocked. He reached for her hand, but stopped short, instead putting his hand in his pocket. She tried to smile at him, but even she could tell it felt forced. Instead she focused her attention on the doctor. "I don't really understand any of this. Why can't I remember anything?"

"You hit your head pretty hard Mrs. Bates. In some cases when that happens there is memory loss."

"Will I ever get my memory back?"

The doctor looked at Mr. Bates before answering. "I can't give you false hope Mrs. Bates, every patient is different. Sometimes the memories come back after a few days, sometimes with triggers it comes back in a few months, other times it never returns. There is just so much we don't know about these types of injuries."

Mr. Bates spoke up, "You mentioned triggers, what do you mean?"

"Often talking about certain memories or visiting places where key events took place can trigger the memories to come back. It doesn't always work, but some patients have had success with this course of treatment."

Anna looked between all three men, and came to a decision. She wanted to talk to Mr. Bates. "I wonder if I may have a minute alone with Mr. Bates." She saw the look of surprise cross Mr. Bates' face before he hid it away. He watched as the doctor and his Lordship left the room, closing the door behind them.

He turned back to Anna and tried to smile, "Alone at last."

Anna looked at him confused, "What?" She watched him shake his head and could have swore she saw the glisten of tears in his eyes.

"Nothing, it is just something I said to you once, many many years ago."

Anna nodded before continuing. "I'm sorry Mr. Bates; I wish I could remember everything."

"Oh Anna, never apologize. In time you will. I will do whatever I have to do to help you remember."

"I am just so confused. I mean you tell me we are married, but I can't remember anything. I don't remember our first kiss or telling you that I love you, or the proposal or the wedding…" She stopped as the tears began to fall down her cheeks. "I just want to remember my life."

This time Mr. Bates did not hesitate to take her hand. "Please my lo—Anna, don't cry. I will help you remember. I will tell you about all of those things. I will show you the places we have been, tell you the things we have done, speak the words we have said."

Anna looked down at their clasped hands. They seemed to fit so natural. His big soft hand enveloped her small cold one. She felt comfort in that. She didn't feel quite so alone when he was holding her hand.

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John watched as Anna slept. It had taken her a while, but she had finally given in to her exhaustion. He had so many thoughts going through his head. He was so happy that he had found her and she was alive, but devastated that she couldn't remember anything about their life together. He was so happy that they were going to have a baby, but how was he supposed to tell Anna she was pregnant? Obviously she would have to be told, but how would she handle it? She didn't even remember being in love with him much less making love to him. He took a deep breath and looked up as the door opened. He saw his Lordship peek in.

"Bates, I think you should come home. You need to rest, you will do Anna no good if you are exhausted."

John started to argue, but realized Robert was right. He needed to get away from the hospital and wrap his head around everything that had happened today. He stood up, wincing at the pain in his knee. He had sat too long. He looked down at Anna and only hesitated for a second before placing a gentle kiss on her brow. "Sleep well my love."

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It had been several weeks since the accident and much to her frustration; Anna still did not remember anything. To make matters worse now she was being released from the hospital and she had no idea what she was going to do. Where was she to go? She knew she would be returning to Downton Abbey, but where would she live? Mr. Bates had explained that they had a cottage on the property. Was she to live there? Would she be offered a room in the main house? What did she want? She wished she knew. Mr. Bates had told her he wanted her to live wherever she was comfortable. On one hand, living in the main house made sense, how could she live with Mr. Bates when she didn't even remember their marriage? On the other hand, if she lived at the cottage maybe that would jog her memory. Mr. Bates had already told her if she chose to come back to the cottage he would sleep downstairs or if it made her more comfortable he would take a room at Downton until she was ready for him to live at the cottage. Would she ever be ready for that? Did she want him to stay at the cottage? Would having him at the cottage help bring back her memories? Or would it just be uncomfortable?

She looked up as the door opened and Mr. Bates and the doctor walked in. His Lordship had returned to Downton last week, allowing Mr. Bates to stay at the house in London. He had been to visit her every day. They spent most of the time making small talk, but sometimes Mr. Bates shared a memory with her, hoping it would trigger something and hiding his disappointment when she couldn't remember the moment he was talking about. He was so kind and sweet with her. He never lost his patience with her. She might not remember their life together, but she knew he was a gentle and caring man.

She tried to smile as the men came to her bedside. She couldn't help but notice they both looked nervous. She was confused. What could they be nervous about? "Mr. Bates, Dr. Grant is something wrong?" She watched as Mr. Bates looked at the doctor as if to ask permission to speak. Anna frowned, what was going on?

Mr. Bates cleared his throat and sat down. "Anna there is something the doctor and I need to tell you. You see there is something about your condition we have not shared with you. We didn't want to upset you even more. However now that you are getting ready to return home, I mean return to Downton, you really need to know everything."

Anna began to feel nervous. What else could there be. She had no memories of being married or of the last nine years, what else could there possibly be? She could tell Mr. Bates was struggling to speak. She spoke out in exasperation. "Mr. Bates, I wish you'd just come out with it!" She started as she had a flash of memory. She remembered walking down the street and Mr. Bates in a cart ahead of her. She looked up, "I just had a flash of something; of you in a cart." She watched as a smile broke across Mr. Bates' face. She felt her breath hitch. His smile was beautiful.

"You said that to me once. We were walking down the road going to the flower show. It was a beautiful day. I was talking around something and you called me on it." He wanted to tell her that she had told him she loved him, but didn't want to do it in front of Dr. Grant. Besides they needed to tell her about the baby. "We can talk about it more later. Anna, there is something I need to tell you." He took a deep breath. He knew he couldn't prolong it any longer. He reached for her hand and looked in her eyes. "Anna you're pregnant."

Anna looked up at Mr. Bates in shock. Her eyes filled with tears. Surely she had heard him wrong. Her hand unconsciously reached for her stomach. "What? A baby?" She felt the hot tears streaking down her cheeks. How could this be happening? "I'm sorry, but I don't even remember being married to you, Mr. Bates. How I am supposed to have a baby with a man I don't even remember being married too?" She winced at how cold that sounded and tried to forget the pain that crossed his features. "I'm sorry, I just-I just don't know how to feel. I think I just need to be alone for a minute. Please." She watched as John nodded and released her hand and stood up. He looked like he wanted to speak, but just turned and left with the doctor. Once the door closed, Anna felt the tears flow harder and she let herself go and began to sob. How could all of this be happening? Everything felt so out of control. How could everything be so terribly wrong? A baby? How could she have a baby? She turned her head into the pillow and let the tears and sorrow overtake her.

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John stood outside the door listening to Anna cry. It took every ounce of self-control to not go back into the room and take her in his arms. He knew he couldn't, as much as her tears broke his heart he knew Anna had wanted to cry in private and besides she barely knew him, she probably wouldn't want him to comfort her. He felt his own tears fill his eyes. He quickly blinked them away. He would not let his emotions get the better of him. He had to be strong for Anna.

He turned and walked down the hall. Anna was going to be released in a few hours and there was still so much to do. His wife may not remember their life together, but he was going to do whatever he had to do to help her remember. Anna had always fought for him, and now it was his turn to fight for her. He would help her remember and if heaven forbid she never remembered, then they would have to start over. He would make his wife fall in love with him all over again.

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I hope this chapter was okay, I found it much more difficult to write from Anna's perspective. I find it much easy to write from Bates's point of view! I guess that is why he is my favorite character. As always please feel free to review!


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: I just want to say thank you so much for all the nice reviews. I was so nervous writing that first chapter and not knowing what kind of response I would get, so to know so many people like what I am writing means a lot to me! **

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**Chapter 5**

**Anna looked out the window as the car pulled up the long driveway and smiled when Downton Abbey came into view. Even though her life was in shambles and she didn't remember anything of the past nine years, what she did remember was that this place had always been her home. She always felt safe here, and she hoped being home would bring some of those lost memories back. She heard a soft sigh next to her and glanced at the man sitting next to her. Mr. Bates. He had been so kind on the way home, just letting her be alone with her thoughts. She knew this was hard for him, she had seen how many times he had reached out to touch her or take her hand only to pull back at the last moment. She knew how it felt to not remember being married to him; she could only imagine how he felt. How hard it must be to try and deal with the fact that she couldn't remember their life together. She wondered what he was thinking at this very moment. **

**John looked up at Downton Abbey and couldn't help but smile. His life was in shambles, but Downton Abbey was his home. It was where he had been able to start over, where he had met Anna. The best moments of his life had happened here. He sighed. He only hoped that being back here would stir some memories for Anna. He had been hopeful when she had remembered a bit of the walk to the flower show, but since then no other memories had surfaced. He was happy that Anna had decided to stay at the cottage, hoping that staying in the place she had lived for the last year would trigger something. He had agreed to move out and back into the main house. In a way he had been relieved when she suggested it. They had shared so much there and to live together now as virtual strangers would have been a painful burden to bear. They both agreed that he should visit every day so he could share some of their memories together. They both hoped that being in the cottage and talking about their life together as husband and wife would be the trigger that would start bringing her memories back.**

**Anna watched as the car drove past the main house and turned down a side road that led to the cottages. They had both agreed that going straight to the cottage was the best idea. Anna was tired from the trip and the thought of facing all the family and the staff was just too overwhelming at the moment. John had offered to get her settled before heading back to the main house. She took a deep breath as the car stopped in front of a brick building. She recognized it of course; she had walked this road many times. She had no idea which cottage was theirs though. She watched as Mr. Bates stepped out the car, offering his hand to help her off. She reached for it once again finding comfort in its warmth. She surprised herself by holding onto it tightly when John tried to pull away. She couldn't explain it, but having her small hand in his big one made her feel safe. She needed that feeling at the moment, as she could feel her heart pounding in her chest. She felt so nervous.**

**"Which one is ours?" **

**"The one in the center with the purple flowers out front. You planted them yourself a few months back. You said it made the entrance more welcoming." **

**She nodded, "I've always loved flowers. And I was right. They do make it welcoming." She smiled as Mr. Bates let out a small chuckle. She was happy to at least have given him something to laugh about. This had to be hard for him, not being able to stay in his own home. She squeezed his hand. "Shall we go in?"**

**John took a deep breath. This was the moment he was dreading; having to enter the house he shared with Anna. They had made it their home this past year and had made wonderful memories here, but to have to go in and know she would be looking at it like a stranger would, it was heartbreaking. She wouldn't remember all the times they had sat in front of the fire reading to each other from their favorite books. Or all the meals they had prepared together in the kitchen; laughing at the mess they always seemed to make. She wouldn't remember the times they had talked about their future, and all the times they had made love. To her it would be a blank canvas. To him it was his whole life. **

**He nodded, and reluctantly released her hand to reach for the key. He put the key in the lock turning it and opening the door. He allowed Anna to step through first, and then followed her closing the door behind him. He watched as she stepped into the sitting room looking all around her. **

**"It looks very homey."**

**"We had a lot of fun making it that way. We spent our day off painting the walls. You were very careful trying not to get paint all over you. I on the other hand managed to get paint all over myself, including my eyes. You had a good laugh at my expense when that happened." **

**"Well we managed to do a good job. It looks lovely." Anna walked through the sitting room and into the next room, which happened to be the kitchen. It was small but pretty. She tried to remember them in here together making their meals, but nothing would come. She sighed. She knew it was crazy to hope that as soon as she saw her home that the memories would all come rushing back, but a small part of her had hoped that would happen. Instead it was like being in a stranger's house. She turned as Mr. Bates cleared his throat. **

**"That's it for downstairs. The upstairs has the bathroom and the bedrooms. Do you want me to show you, or would you rather have a look yourself?"**

**Anna looked back at him. "I think I would like to go up by myself if that is okay?"**

**John nodded and watched her walk up the stairs. He was thankful actually. He didn't know how he could have done it, showing Anna their bedroom knowing she would have no memory of all the things they had shared together in that room. John had shared his memories of his time in prison after the nightmares had woken him up, and Anna had rubbed his back and wiped his tears as he described what it had been like. They had so many happy memories in that room too. They had spent hours laughing as they shared their work-days, laughing at something Daisy had said or how grumpy Mrs. O'Brien was. They had spent many more hours making love until the wee hours of the morning, never tiring of each other. He stopped his thoughts from going any further; it would do no good to think of all those things. He sighed. This was harder than he imagined. **

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**Anna walked up the stairs and came to the first door. She opened it and realized this must be their bedroom. It was rather large for a cottage and she could tell they had made it very comfortable. Her eyes were drawn to the double bed against the far wall. It was covered with a beautiful yellow comforter. She glanced at the right side and realized this must be her side of the bed. She recognized her hair brush and saw lotions she knew to be ones she used. She glanced at the other side of the bed; Mr. Bates side. She walked over and glanced down at his night stand. It was very neat and orderly. All that was on it was a small lamp and a well-worn book. She hesitated a moment before sitting down. She ran her hand up the blanket and across his pillow. She picked it up, inhaling the scent of peppermint. She closed her eyes hoping some memory would come, and sighed when nothing happened. She placed the pillow back down and brought her hands to her stomach. The baby; she was still coming to terms with the fact that she was having a baby. A baby most likely conceived in this bed; which she had no memory of, with a man she could barely remember. She sighed and wiped the tears that had fallen down her cheeks.**

**She glanced around the rest of the room. There was a small dresser and vanity along with a rocking chair. The room was painted a pale blue. She stood up and went to the closet and opened it. She glanced at the dresses and suits sharing the space, like she and Mr. Bates had shared this space. She softly closed the door and walked back the room's entrance; she looked back, taking in the room where she had spent the last year with her husband. She willed her mind to remember something-anything, a laugh shared, or a kiss exchanged. Instead all she saw was an empty room.**

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**John felt like he had been waiting downstairs for hours, but he knew it had only been minutes. He wondered what Anna was doing. What was she thinking? It was quiet upstairs and he wondered if she was okay. He thought about going upstairs, but he didn't want to intrude. He let out a bitter laugh. He never thought he would be hesitating to join his wife in their bedroom. Of course he also never thought he would be moving out of the home they had made together either. He knew it was for the best, and he would never want to make Anna uncomfortable, but it was still hard to leave the person and place he loved more than anything in this world. He just couldn't believe how much his life had changed in the past few weeks. He realized how much Anna was going through. To have no memory of their life and still be carrying their child, but it wasn't any easier for him. He had all the memories and all the love and no place to put any of them at the moment. **

**He thought about their unborn child. He really hadn't had time to wrap his mind around it. He and Anna had talked many times about having a child and as time passed they both wondered if it was going to happen. What bitter irony that one of the things they wanted more than anything in the world was happening and they couldn't share in the excitement and joy of it. **

**He heard movement upstairs and stood up. He heard Anna coming down the stairs. He hated not knowing what to do; or how to act. He wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her and show her all the love in his heart. It was so damn hard not to. He watched as she came down the stairs. She looked exhausted. The day had obviously taken its toll. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs when she saw John waiting for her. She smiled sadly.**

**"I so hoped seeing the bedroom, I mean our bedroom would help me remember something. Oh Mr. Bates, I want to remember so badly. We have had this whole life together and I can't remember it and it just so frustrating. I just want to remember." He watched as the tears fell from her eyes and instinct just took over and he pulled her into his arms. He felt her tense up for a moment before relaxing into his embrace. They didn't say anything. John just held her and let her cry. **

**Anna was surprised when Mr. Bates pulled her into his arms and her initial reaction was to tense up, but as quickly as that feeling came on it passed and she relaxed gladly into his arms. She should have felt uncomfortable with the contact, but instead she felt safe. It felt right. A brief memory of running into his arms passed through her mind but before she could latch on to it, it was gone. She sighed in frustration. She just wanted to remember.**

**John could have stayed this way forever, but her sigh brought him back to reality and he closed his eyes, breathed in her sweet scent for a moment then stepped back. His heart broke at her sad, tired eyes. He hated to leave her, but he knew she needed to sleep. The day had been long and trying and she was still recovering from her accident. He smiled gently at her. "I think I should let you get some rest. It's been a long day."**

**Anna nodded. As much as she was afraid to be alone, she knew she wouldn't be able to stay on her feet much longer. She just felt so tired. "I do feel tired."**

**John nodded. "Do you want me to come down in the morning? I will have to dress his lordship in the morning, but I could come down after that. We could talk. I could answer any questions you might have."**

**Anna nodded. She did have a lot of questions. There was so much she wanted to know. When had they fallen in love? How had he proposed? When was their first kiss? "I would like that Mr. Bates."**

**John smiled, "Maybe tomorrow I can get you to call me John." He walked to the door and turned around to face Anna. It was breaking his heart to leave her. It felt so unnatural to leave her here alone. It felt so wrong. He opened the door. 'I will see you in the morning then?"**

**Anna walked up to him and nodded. "Thank you for everything Mr.-" she stopped and smiled shyly as she looked at him. 'John.' She watched him as he walked out the door and started down the path. She closed the door softly, making sure it was locked. She looked around the house that she had lived in for the past year. She noticed a photo on the table she hadn't noticed before. She walked over and picked it up, tears forming in her eyes as she saw what it was. It was a portrait of them. They were supposed to be looking at the camera, but instead they were looking at each other. They both were both smiling and their eyes were filled with love. Anna started crying. It was like looking at two strangers.**

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**Thanks for reading! I am excited to write the next few chapters because one of my ideas when I thought of this story was to write some scenes I wish we had seen on the show. The next few chapters will have some of those memories! As always reviews are appreciated!**


	6. Chapter 6

Author's note: I have gotten a few comments in review and pm that this seems similar to "The Vow." Any similarities are a coincidence, because I haven't even heard of that movie, much less seen it. I didn't want to look it up, because I didn't want it to influence my story at all. Now we start the chapters were I take creative license and write some scenes I wish we had seen or put my own narrative into scenes we did see. It has never been discussed on the show exactly when Anna and Bates realized they were in love, I know that they have the discussion in Edith's room and of course Anna's declaration on the way to the flower show. However it is never mentioned when they actually realized they were in love, so I write a little bit about that in this chapter.

I also apologize if my timing is a little off. I know in Episode 6 Bates mentions having been there two years so I am basing some stuff in this chapter on that statement.

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Chapter 6

John made his way slowly down the road on his way to the cottage. He felt exhausted. He had always suffered from insomnia, but sleeping next to Anna had almost cured him of the affliction. However, last night being back in his old room at Downton and away from Anna, had left him tossing and turning all night. He hoped Anna had slept better. She had been so tired last night, and he hoped a good night's sleep would leave her feeling refreshed and ready to try and remember her past. He stopped as he reached the front of their cottage. He went to knock but before he could the door was opened by a smiling Anna. He stepped back in surprise. He hadn't expected Anna to open the door and he definitely did not expect her to greet him with a big smile.

"Anna?"

"Mr. Bates-I mean John, I have been waiting for you. I think I remembered something!" Her smile was infectious and John couldn't help smiling back.

"You have? What was it?"

Anna gestured for him to enter the cottage, "Well I can't tell you on the stoop, please come in."

John entered the cottage and turned as Anna shut the door. "Okay, tell me what happened?"

Anna walked into the sitting room and John followed; joining her on the couch. "I was brushing my hair, and I wasn't really thinking of anything, when I had another flash of memory. This one was longer though."

"Okay, why don't you tell me what you remember, and we can try and fill in the blanks."

"Well I only saw bits and pieces, so I hope you can fill in the missing pieces. I think it was the same day that I saw you getting in the cart. We were walking down the road. It was beautiful, the sun was shining and the birds were chirping. We were talking, I can't quite remember about what, but we stopped. I remember you telling me you weren't a free man and I was frustrated and then I just blurted out that I loved you!"

John smiled. "That is a real memory Anna. You are right, it was the same day. I went in the cart a few minutes after our discussion."

Anna smiled, but the smile changed into a look of confusion. "I guess what I am wondering about is why did you say you weren't a free man?"

John sighed. He hadn't told her anything about Vera or her death or going to jail. He knew he would have to tell her all of it eventually, he just didn't want to overwhelm her. "I said it, because at the time I wasn't a free man; I was married." John didn't plan to say much more about Vera; at least not at the moment. He would tell her all of it eventually, but he believed it would be better if Anna heard about it in parts.

"You were married?"

"I was, and that is why I fought my feelings for you for a long time."

"You did? How long? When did you realize that had feelings for me?"

John smiled. "Oh, Anna I think almost from the moment I met you. I know you remember the first few months of me being at Downton Abbey, right?

Anna nodded, "Yes. I remember how horrible you were treated when you first arrived. I remember thinking you had kind eyes and I wanted to be your friend. I remember when I brought you the tray on your last day and you were trying to hide the fact you had been crying."

John laughed, "I knew I hadn't been very convincing. I was grateful, you know? It was nice to know at least one person in the world cared about me."

"I had begun to care for you by then, I think. I remember my heart beating a little faster when I saw you in the servant's hall. I remember one time you passed me the butter and our hands touched and I felt this little jolt and my face flushed red. I also remember how sad I felt when I thought you would be leaving. I wish I could remember more."

John smiled; it was nice to hear that despite her memory loss, she did remember caring for him. "You will remember Anna. I firmly believe that."

"When did you start to realize you had feelings for me?

"Well I knew from the moment you brought me that tray that I was in trouble. Before that, I thought you would be a good friend to have in the house. I knew you would be someone to talk to in the servant's hall or walk with when the staff went into town. When you brought me that tray and you were so kind, asking me to write and let you know I was okay, I knew my feelings were more than simple friendship. You smiled so sweetly, and I swear my heart stuttered for a second and I didn't let it show, but I remember thinking it was probably a good thing I was leaving, because I didn't have anything to offer you. Of course his Lordship changed his mind and I stayed and I knew I had to be very careful."

Anna smiled, "And were you careful? Did you ever let it show? Did you ever slip up?"

John nodded, "Oh yes. There was one time a few months after I had been allowed to stay. The rest of the staff had gone into town and I came into the servant's hall and you were in there working on something for one of the girls. I asked where everyone else was and you told me they had all gone into town and without thinking, I said, "Alone at last." I remember the look you gave me, you were surprised but happy, and I remember thinking how stupid it had been to say it, because the last thing I wanted to do was encourage anything. I knew it would only hurt you in the long run. I remember sitting down and I started talking about mundane things hoping to distract you from what I had said."

Anna looked at John and tried to remember the moments he talked about, but she couldn't. However hearing about how John felt about her made her feel happy. She liked knowing he cared about her. "Were there any other times?"

John smiled at her eagerness. As sad as he was that she didn't remember what they were talking about; it made him happy to talk about these early moments in their relationship. "I had been here a little over a year, when you got a cold. There was a festival in town and we were all supposed to go as a group, but you got sick and Mrs. Hughes ordered you to bed. I decided not to go either. I knew I wouldn't have fun without you there. After dinner and after everyone else had left, I was working on collars in the hall sitting with O'Brien and Branson; I know you don't remember Branson, and I was worried about you, but I didn't want O'Brien to catch on that I cared for you so I asked about you in a round-about way that wouldn't arouse her suspicions. Of course she had a rude reply but it was enough of one to realize you were still unwell. At that moment I remembered the kindness you showed me all those months ago, so I decided to return the favor. I remember going into the kitchen and arranging the tray and thinking some pretty flowers would cheer you up, so I went outside quickly and picked some wildflowers that grew just outside the kitchen door. I was second guessing myself the entire way, telling myself that it was all innocent, that I was just returning the kind favor you had shown me. I knew better though. I knew that by giving you that tray, especially with the flowers, I knew that you would know I cared about you. I couldn't stop myself though. I remember feeling nervous as I knocked on the door and hearing you walk down the hallway. I had to convince you to open the door, because of course only Mrs. Hughes is supposed to open the separating door. After a moment you did and I remember seeing you and you took my breath away. You had your hair in a braid and your nose was red and you looked tired, but I had never seen anyone more beautiful. I handed you the tray and you smiled at me and it just like that, I knew."

Anna hesitated to interrupt, she was so enjoying listening to him talk, but she couldn't help herself. "You knew what?"

John smiled. He reached for her hand and took it gently into his. "I knew I loved you. I may have stared at your for a few moments, and I think I may have even given you a small smile in return, but my heart was pounding. I knew I could never tell you, that nothing could come of it, not with me being married and having been-" John stopped. He knew he would have to tell her about his life before her, but he didn't want to tell her now, not after telling her about the moment he knew he was in love with her. He hoped she wouldn't notice what he had said, and was relieved when the moment seemed to pass. He glanced down at their clasped hands and then back up into Anna's eyes. He frowned as he noticed the sheen of tears. "Anna, what is it?"

Anna smiled, "I'm okay; it's just that it sounds so beautiful. I wish I could remember it, but hearing you talk about it, I almost can. Do you think I loved you then too?"

John nodded, "I'm almost sure of it, because a few months later, and a few weeks before you confessed your love to me; we had a discussion about love in Lady Edith's room. Well we pretended it was about Lady Edith being in love with Sir Patrick, but I think we both knew who we were really talking about. We didn't say the words out loud, but you said it was always hard to love someone when they don't love you back. I remember knowing then and there that you were talking about loving me, and my heart filled with joy. At that moment, I wanted to tell you how much I loved you, but I knew I couldn't. So instead I said that maybe Sir Patrick did love Lady Edith but he wasn't at liberty to say, because it wouldn't have been right."

Anna couldn't help laughing and she pictured the two of them, both grown adults, afraid to confess their true feelings, instead talking around it. "I wonder what made me decide to come right out and tell you about my feelings a few weeks later."

John shook his head, "I don't really know. I know I was trying your patience because I was talking around the subject again. I guess you decided to lay your cards all out on the table."

Anna sighed, if only she could remember. Still it was nice sitting her talking with John. She felt so comfortable with him, even without her memories, it was almost instinctual how safe she felt when he was near. Her mind might not remember her love for John, but it seemed her heart did. She glanced at the clock on the mantle and was shocked to see the whole morning had passed. It had only seemed like minutes, but they had been talking for hours. "We have been talking for hours, I suppose you have head back to Downton soon."

John nodded. As much as he wanted to stay here and continue talking with Anna, he did have to be back before his lordship needed to change for the afternoon meal. "Unfortunately I do. I can come back this evening, if you want me too. I will have a few hours between dressing his Lordship for dinner and when he will want to be undressed for bed."

Anna smiled, "I would like that, because there is so much more I would like to know."

John couldn't help but smile, it was almost like old times; the two of them talking and laughing. He knew they still had a long road ahead of them, but Anna seemed to enjoy his company and she had been holding his hand for the last hour. It may take time, but he was starting to truly believe they could get back what they had, even if they had to make all new memories. He stood up and walked to the door, talking to Anna as she followed behind him. "Oh, and what would you like to know?" He turned to face her as he prepared to say goodbye.

Anna smiled up at him. "I would like to know when you finally confessed your feelings."

John smiled down at Anna. "That is a very happy memory for me, one I can't wait to share with you." Anna was looking up at him smiling. She looked so beautiful. The bruises on her face had faded and the few cuts that remained were almost invisible to the eye. He hesitated for a moment before leaning down to brush his lips against her cheek. He felt her start, but then she relaxed and almost seemed to press her cheek into his lips. It was only a brief show of affection, but it was a start. He stood back up and smiled down at Anna, who slowly opened her eyes. "I had a wonderful time this morning. I will see you this evening; around 7? After Anna nodded, he turned and stepped out.

Anna watched him walk down the lane, and slowly brought up her hand to touch the cheek John had kissed. His lips had been warm and soft. It had felt nice and being with him had felt nice. It had felt right.


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: I wasn't planning on updating quite so soon, but I feel like I glossed over Bates' marriage a little bit in the last chapter, and didn't give Anna a proper reaction. I hadn't planned on having Bates' past discussed so soon, but I decided to change things up just a bit. We will get back to happy memories in the next chapter!

* * *

Chapter 7

She was in a courtroom. She could feel her heart pounding and the tears in her eyes. John was in the front of the room standing up and looking at the judge. She looked across the room at the jury, and tried to guess what the verdict might be. She glanced back at John and noticed how pale and nervous he looked. She couldn't control her lips from quivering as she fought back the tears. She watched as the foreman stood up and got ready to read his verdict.

"Guilty."

Anna yelled out. No, this wasn't possible. This wasn't supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to be found guilty. She looked at the judge as he read the sentence; a death sentence. Her husband was going to be hung. She felt herself stand up and shout out about how wrong this was. She glanced at her husband and noticed the tears on his face. She looked at him as the judge ordered the officers to take him away. She saw how shocked he looked and watched how he fought the officers as they tried to drag him away. He looked at her and shouted her name. Anna stared at him, helpless. She watched as he was led away and then he was gone. She couldn't stop crying. This was all so wrong. She felt someone shaking her. Was it Lady Mary?

"Anna. Anna! You have to wake up." Anna shot up off the couch with a start; it took a moment for her to realize she was in the cottage. She looked up and saw John staring at her, concern in his eyes. "Are you all right? I knocked but you didn't answer and then I heard you cry out. I'm sorry. I used my key to come in."

Anna stood up and wiped at her eyes, trying to process what she had dreamed. Was it a memory or just some sort of nightmare? Certainly John had never been on trial for murder. The man she was married too, even if she didn't remember it, wouldn't have been accused of such a heinous crime. Could he? She had to be honest, even though she felt comfortable with him and had the instinct to trust him, she didn't really know him. She couldn't remember him except for his first few months here. She turned to look at him. "I had a dream. I have to ask you something, but I am not quite sure how to ask it."

John interrupted her. "Anna you can ask me anything? What is it?"

Anna looked up at him, tears in her eyes. "I dreamt we were in a courthouse and you were on trial. You were sentenced to death. I watched them drag you away." She looked up at John and saw the shock in them, she saw the fear. She saw the truth. "Oh god. It was a memory? You were on trial for murder? Who was it? Who were you accused of killing?"

John closed his eyes. After the wonderful morning they had, he never expected to come back to the cottage and find Anna like this. To see her crying with fear and shock in her eyes. He had hoped to spare her the pain for a little while longer. Or had he just been afraid? Had he really had Anna's best interests at heart, or had he been afraid if he told her the truth she wouldn't want to see him anymore. The old Anna, his Anna had believed in him without reservation, but this Anna, she barely remembered him. Would she have the same instincts? Or would she send him away? He had no choice now, he had to tell her. He had to tell her everything. He sat on the couch and gestured for her to do the same.

"Why don't you sit down? I better start at the beginning." Anna nodded and sat across from him on the chair. John's heart constricted. He already felt the distance. This morning she had been more than willing to sit next him, to even hold his hand, and now she wouldn't even share the same space with him. He took a deep breath and looked down. He was afraid to look at Anna. He was afraid of what he would see in her eyes.

"I met Vera when I was 23 years old. I was enthralled. She was beautiful; she made me feel like I was the only man in the room. Unfortunately I didn't learn until it was too late that was how she was with every man. She told me a sob story about how her father abused her, but she couldn't leave because she didn't have anywhere to go. She told me how brave I was, how strong I was, how she knew I could protect her. She was a good actress and I believed her. Two months after we met, we were married. I got a job in a pub, I wasn't bringing in a lot of money but it was enough to rent a small flat. We were happy those first few months, but then the real Vera began to appear. She wanted more, she wanted pretty dresses and to eat in fancy restaurants; things I couldn't give her on a bartender's salary. We were both miserable those first few years of marriage. I think I hated her by then, and I know she hated me, but I was her husband, I had taken the vows and I took them seriously. For better, for worse. I couldn't stay there though, so I joined the army. I thought it was the best solution, I would make enough money so I could give Vera more of what she wanted, and at the same time I could be away from her and all the negativity. It all worked for a little while, but then the war broke out. I came back with horrible memories of seeing friends die in unimaginable ways, a drinking problem and a bad leg. Vera was disgusted by my injury. I couldn't work, not until my leg healed completely, so she had to find work, which meant sacrificing the things she had been used too. We argued all the time and we both turned to other things. I turned to the bottle, she turned to other men. Honestly I don't remember much about that year after I returned from the war. I found solace in the bottle and thankfully it made me forgot how much of a failure my life had turned out to be. I realized one morning after waking up in the gutter with no memory of how I had gotten there, with my money gone and smelling like I hadn't showered in days that I had to make a change." He stopped as Anna cleared her throat. He finally looked up. He was relieved to see that while she looked sad, she didn't look disgusted. He waited for her to speak.

"What did you do?"

John took a deep breath. "I confessed to stealing from the Army and I went to prison." He heard Anna gasp.

"You stole from the army?

John shook his head. "No, I didn't. Vera did, but I confessed because I knew this was my way to get out of a horrible situation. I could get sober and when I got out I could secure a job and try to make my marriage work. I was determined to be a good husband. I thought if I could just get sober then I could make it work with Vera. Vera had other ideas though. While I was in prison she took off with another man and disappeared. I was in prison for two years. In those two years I gave up drinking and promised myself I would be a better man. I realized if I wanted to be a better man then Vera couldn't be a part of the equation. We were toxic to each other. We brought out the worst in each other. So I knew the marriage was over, that it could never work. I didn't worry about finding her and getting a divorce because I promised myself I would never fall in love again. I would never marry again. A few weeks after I was released I wrote to his lordship and asked him if there was a position in his household. He wrote back offering me a job as his valet, and well you know what happened after that. I came to Downton. I met you, and I fell in love and all those promises I made to myself just flew away. You opened up my heart again. It was unexpected, and I fought it for a long time, but eventually I realized that you were what I had been waiting for my entire life." He silently cursed himself for speaking those last thoughts out loud. The last thing he wanted to do was make Anna feel uncomfortable.

Anna shook her head as she tried to process all John had told her. She couldn't help but be touched by what he had said. How she had opened his heart again. However there were still so many unanswered questions. She needed to know everything. "What happened with Vera? I assume since we are married that you found her and you were able to divorce her?" She looked at John and saw him shake his head.

"You don't remember this, but there was a war that started in 1914. After the war started it made me realize that I didn't want to hide my feelings anymore; time was so precious back then. I knew that I couldn't be with you completely unless I found her and asked her for a divorce. She was long gone by then though, and I couldn't find out any information about her, much less her whereabouts. Then my mother died, and Vera showed up at the house. She realized my mother had left me a large amount of money and she wanted back into the marriage. That was the last thing I wanted though, I wanted you. I wanted a life with you. So I told Vera if she granted me a divorce she could have half of what my mother left me. That was when I came back and you and I started planning our future. However, shortly after that Vera came back and told me that she didn't want a divorce anymore, that she didn't like living on her own. She blackmailed me with a story about Lady Mary. it would have tore the family apart. It would have brought a huge scandal to Downton."

Anna interrupted him, "What story?"

"It was a story about Lady Mary and an affair she had with a Turkish gentleman."

Anna gasped, "Lady Mary had an affair?"

John nodded, "She did, and I will tell you all about it, but first I think I should finish telling you about Vera. Is that okay?" He saw Anna nod, so he continued talking. "So Vera blackmailed me and I left, I left you crying in the courtyard. It broke my heart to leave you, but I thought I was doing what was best for everyone. We lived together for a few months, it was miserable, and I finally discovered that Vera had been unfaithful. I went to a divorce lawyer who told me that I would have to move out to prove that it had broken the marriage. So I did, I got a job at a pub in Kirkbymoorside, so I could be close to you. One day you saw me and through Lady Mary found out where I was working and you came to the pub. You were angry at first. You were mad that I had come back and didn't tell you. Of course you were mad that I had left in the first place. We talked about everything and eventually you forgave me for leaving you. His Lordship asked me to come back to Downton and I did. We began to plan our future. I began the process of divorcing Vera and when she continued to be difficult we decided to give her everything we had. We just wanted to move on and be together. The money and the house didn't matter, as long as we had each other. Vera came back and tried to force me to leave with her. I refused and she went to the judge and told him that I had offered her money for a divorce. I knew I had to go to London and try and convince Vera that it was in all our best interests to agree to the divorce. So I went to London one morning and I had it out with her. I admit we got into an argument. She got physical and she hit me, cutting my face with her ring. I admit I got angry and I said some horrible things, but I swear to you Anna that I never hit her. As much as I hated her, I could never have hit her. I left her screaming in my mother's house and I took the train right back home. The next morning I got a telegram stating that Vera was dead.

Anna gasped. "Dead? How?"

"At first it was believed that she killed herself by taking poison. However she left no suicide note and the police weren't convinced that Vera took her own life. They began looking at me as a suspect. A few months before she died Vera told me we had rats and asked to by rat poison, the same poison that killed her. She had written a letter to a friend saying she was afraid of me, that she had never seen me so angry. The police knew I wanted to marry you and that Vera was being difficult. It was all circumstantial, but it was enough to be charged and the police arrested me and I was put on trial for murder."

Anna took a deep breath and looked at John, "So that was a memory then? You were found guilty and sentenced to death?"

"Yes, but it was commuted and I was sentenced to life imprisonment."

"So what happened? How did you get released?" She looked at John surprised to see a smile on his lips.

"You got me released. You never doubted my innocence. You spent months and months looking for evidence to prove my innocence. Finally you were able to prove that Vera did indeed kill herself and I was released shortly afterwards."

Anna looked up in shock. She had freed him? She tried to imagine herself doing all the things John had told her about, but she found it hard to believe. She didn't know what to think or how to feel. The man sitting across from her had been in jail twice, had been an alcoholic and had been accused of murder, and yet none of those things had frightened her away. She must have really loved him. She corrected herself, she must really love him. And he had been innocent. He wasn't a murderer. She looked at him. He looked scared, like he didn't know what her reaction would be. She had to admit she didn't quite know how to react, but she did know she cared about him and she wasn't afraid of him. She made a quick decision. She stood up and walked over to the couch and sat down next to John. He seemed surprised.

John was surprised to see Anna get up and come over to where he was sitting, and was even more surprised when she sat down and reached for his hand. She squeezed it gently and looked into his eyes. "I'm sorry that you went through all of that, and while I admit this is very hard to process, I know that you are a good man, and I know that I care about you." John couldn't help the tears that filled his eyes and fell down his cheeks. Anna hadn't turned him away. He was a fool to have even thought she would have. Even if she didn't remember their relationship, she was still Anna. She was still his Anna, the woman who always believed the best of him. He never should have doubted her. John wiped his eyes and smiled.

"Even now, you don't doubt me. Even though you barely know who I am, you still see the best in me."

Anna smiled and looked down at their clasped hands. "I can't explain it, not yet anyway. I just know you are a good man. I can just feel it."

John wished he could take her in his arms and kiss her and lead her upstairs and show her how much she meant to him. He wanted to, but he knew he couldn't, it wouldn't be right. He noticed how tired she was. His story had drained whatever energy she had. He squeezed her hand and stood up. "I think I should go. It has been a long and emotional night."

Anna nodded and followed him the door. He turned back and smiled at her. "I'll see you in the morning, okay?"

Anna nodded, "Yes you will and thank you for telling me all of it. I am glad you did."

John smiled, "I am too. I am glad it's all out in the open. We can move forward now and we can start talking about some good memories. Good night Anna."

John smiled one last time and shut the door behind him. He walked down the pathway feeling pounds lighter. If he could have skipped he would have. He already knew what memory he would share with Anna. He would tell her about the night he confessed his love to her. That was a very happy memory indeed.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

John had planned a surprise for Anna. He hoped she wouldn't think him too forward. He felt pounds lighter after telling her about Vera and the trial and his imprisonment. He knew it had been a lot for her to take in, especially all at once. She seemed to have handled it well though, and he hoped she had gotten a good night's rest. He had woken up this morning with the idea of a picnic in his head. There was a beautiful spot by the lake that was perfect. In fact he and Anna had visited that spot several times for a picnic after he was released from prison. He glanced down at the picnic basket he was carrying. Mrs. Patmore had graciously agreed to prepare it for him and he knew they would have a feast.

He walked up to the cottage door and knocked. It was only a few moments before Anna answered and he was happy to see a smile on her face. She glanced down at the picnic basket and an even bigger smile broke out on her face. She laughed. "Come in, it seems like we had the same idea for how to spend our time together." When she saw the look of confusion on John's face, she further explained. "I woke up this morning and it was so beautiful. The sun was shining and I could hear the birds chirping and it just popped in my head that it would be a beautiful day for a picnic."

John laughed. "Well you know the saying about great minds thinking alike."

"Well we will just take both baskets. It will be a veritable feast." Anna laughed as she picked up the basket she had prepared. "I was hoping you knew a good spot. I am afraid I haven't been on a picnic in years." She watched a shadow cross John's face. It was gone so quickly she wondered if she had imagined it. "What is it? Did I say something wrong?"

John shook his head; he hadn't meant to show a reaction to her statement. It still took some getting used to; Anna not remembering anything of their life together. Of course she wouldn't remember that they had gone on several picnics together. "Of course not, I have the perfect spot for a picnic. I think you'll love it."

* * *

Anna had to admit, the spot was beautiful. It was by the lake in an alcove of trees. They were surrounded by wildflowers and the trees offered a nice spot of shade from the heat of the afternoon sun. She watched as John laid a blanket on the ground making sure to avoid any rocks. Once it was perfect he gestured for her to sit down and he followed her, setting his cane aside and stretching out his long legs. As she began laying out the food from both baskets, Anna looked around taking in the surroundings. "It's so peaceful here. How did you ever discover it?"

"I used to come out here during my first few years at Downton. When my leg was bothering me or when Thomas or Mrs. O'Brien had annoyed me, coming out here, even if it was only for a few minutes would make me feel better. It just feels so peaceful out here; you can't help but feel better."

Anna nodded, "It's the perfect place for a picnic."

John nodded, "It has always been our favorite place—" John cut himself off, cursing himself for bringing it up. He knew talking about old memories might help Anna remember, but he also didn't want her to feel bad for not remembering they had been here before.

"So that was the sad look I saw on your face earlier, then?"

"God, I'm sorry Anna. The last thing I want is to make you upset because you can't remember."

Anna shook her head. " Please don't apologize. I understand that you don't want to upset me, but its okay to bring things up that I don't remember. I can't imagine how it must feel to have all these memories of our life together and to know that I don't have those same memories anymore."

"I know you will remember. I have faith that you will remember. You have already remembered some things, the rest will come. I know it. In my life I haven't believed in many things, but one thing I have always believed in is you."

Anna smiled at his beautiful words. She hoped he was right, but in the meantime they could make some new memories too. She pulled out two sandwiches. "Ham or chicken?"

* * *

John finished his apple and tossed the core in the basket. They had definitely had a feast today; he doubted he would be hungry again for days. He looked at Anna who was lying back with her eyes closed. She looked beautiful. She was rubbing her stomach. John frowned. They really hadn't talked about the baby much, but he supposed they would have too soon. He honestly didn't know how to bring it up. He was happy about the baby, but everything was so uncertain. What if Anna didn't get her memories back by the time the baby was born? Would he be expected to still live in the main house away from his wife and child? Would he be able to do that?

Anna was enjoying the warmth on her face. She had eaten more than she thought she would, but then again she was eating for two. She rubbed her stomach, still coming to terms with the life growing inside of her. She knew they would have to talk about it, and as much as she wanted to have John share another memory with her, she also knew that important things had to be discussed. She opened her eyes and saw John staring in the distance. She sat up. "Penny for your thoughts?

John looked over at Anna and made the decision. "Actually I was thinking about the baby and how confusing everything is. We have to talk about what we are going to do."

Anna nodded, "I was just thinking the same thing, and to be honest, I really don't know what we are supposed to do. You're right it is such a confusing situation. I have this life inside of me that we created together, but I can't remember creating it. I can't remember our first kiss, let alone making—" She stopped suddenly and felt her face blush red. "I'm sorry. This is just so difficult to discuss. I mean, I know you are my husband, it's just that-oh I don't know. Everything is just so mixed up in my head."

John smiled sadly. It was so hard to see Anna struggling with so much. He couldn't even begin to imagine how she must feel. "It's okay Anna. Please don't apologize. I just want you to know that no matter what happens, this child was conceived in love and I will always be here for you and the baby; no matter what happens in the future."

Anna felt the tears start to form in her eyes and cursed herself for crying again. "I just don't know what to think or how to feel. I don't remember our marriage or falling in love, but I know that in spite of all of that I feel comfortable with you. When I am with you I'm happy. I feel safe, and it all confuses me because I don't remember anything." She wiped the tears as they fell down her cheeks. She let out a choked laugh, "and I am so sick of crying." She looked up at John and laughed, "I must look a sight with my puffy red eyes and running nose."

John smiled and reached for her hand. "You look beautiful. You always look beautiful." He handed her a napkin so she could clean her face. "I know we still have a lot to talk about. I know we have to come to a decision about the baby and what we are going to do. Thankfully we still have a few months to figure it all out, and we will Anna. We will figure it out. Even if your memory isn't back by then, it will work out because we will love this child no matter what the situation is."

Anna nodded, "I don't why, but when you say it, I believe you." She squeezed his hand before releasing it. "Will you help me clean up this mess?"

John nodded, "I will, if you promise that afterwards we can go for a walk around the lake."

Anna smiled. "That sounds lovely."

John smiled and stood up collecting all the garbage and putting into their baskets as Anna folded up the blanket and placed it next to the baskets. She looked up at John, "Shall we?"

John nodded and reached for her hand, "Is this okay?" Seeing Anna nod, he closed his hand around her small one, linking their fingers together. He led them out of the trees and began walking towards the lake.

"Last night I promised you a memory. Are you ready to hear it?"

Anna looked up at him and smiled, "I am."

"Downton Abbey was hosting a garden party. Do you remember Mr. Mosley?" When he saw Anna nod, he continued. "Well you and I had been talking but you had to get back to work, and as I watched you walk away Mr. Moseley came up next to me. He asked if there was anyone who was keen on you and before I knew what I was doing I said that there was someone who was keen, and that he was very keen indeed. As he walked away I realized I didn't want to hide my feelings anymore. England was entering the war and every moment was precious, and I didn't want to waste any more time fighting my feelings. So I decided then and there to try and find Vera and I was going to tell you how I felt about you. I made the decision to tell you that night."

Anna smiled at how gentle and loving his voice sounded as he remembered the story. "And did you tell me that night?"

"I did, I can remember it so clearly, as if it just happened yesterday."

**Flashback-August 1914**

_John sat in his usual spot in the courtyard waiting for Anna to arrive. He had stopped her in the hallway earlier and asked her to meet him after the family had retired for the evening. He didn't tell her why, just mentioned he had something he wanted to talk to her about away from the others. She had smiled and said she would meet him as soon as she was done getting the girls ready for bed. The sound of gentle footsteps brought him back to the present and he looked up to see Anna walking towards him._

_"Hello Anna"_

_"Hello Mr. Bates, I'm sorry I couldn't get here sooner."_

_John gestured for Anna to sit next him, "Don't worry about it, I haven't been here long either." All of sudden he was full of nerves. He could feel his heart beating and while his mouth was dry, his palms felt damp. He shook his head at his silliness. Here he was a grown man and he was afraid to tell Anna how he felt._

_"You said you had something to tell me Mr. Bates. If this about me going to you mum, I'm sorry but I had to know the truth."_

_John shook his head, "How could I be mad at you for believing in me. I don't think I could ever be mad at you Anna. I wanted to tell you that I have come to a decision about Vera. I am going to try and find her and seek out a divorce."_

_He could tell Anna was surprised. "Why now? What's changed?"_

_"Why? Because this declaration of war as made me realize that time is precious and we never know how much time we have. What has changed? Oh Anna, everything has changed. I came here hoping to find a good position, keep my head down and do my work and spend the rest of my years in quiet solitude. I never counted on one thing though."_

_Anna looked a little nervous as she quickly licked her lips. "Oh, and what thing did you not count on?"_

_John smiled, and reached for Anna's hand. He brought it to his lips. He turned his body so he was looking in her eyes. "I never counted on you. I never counted on meeting the woman I was meant to be with. I never counted on falling in love. I love you, Anna. I think I always have." His voice broke as he spoke the last sentence and he was surprised to find his eyes filling with tears. He looked at Anna and was alarmed to see tears in her eyes. Had her feelings changed? "Anna, what is it? Have your feelings changed? Was I stubborn for too long? Has my chance passed?" John felt himself panicking; he hadn't even thought her feelings might change. Then he heard Anna laugh and his heart soared. _

_Anna reached up to stroke his cheek, and wiped away a tear that had fallen. "John, you silly beggar, of course my feelings haven't changed. I still love you, I will always love you. It just makes me so happy to hear you say that you love me too."_

_John turned to look in her eyes and saw they were filled with love and before he could think too much about it he pulled her to him and softly brushed his lips against hers. They were incredibly soft. He felt Anna sigh against his lips and that encouraged him to press down more firmly. Anna's mouth opened slightly and John took the opportunity to taste her bottom lip with the tip of his tongue. Anna started for a second at the unfamiliar intrusion but soon her mouth opened even wider and John felt the tip of her tongue tentatively touch his. John moaned softly and briefly deepened the kiss before reluctantly pulling away. He didn't want to stop, but he knew he must. He smiled at Anna's sigh of disappointment. He quickly pressed a kiss on her lips and pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace. She wrapped her arms around him and they stayed that way for a few minutes. He felt Anna smile into his chest. "I didn't think it was possible to be this happy." She pulled back enough to look up in his face. "I love you John Bates."_

_John couldn't help the smile that broke across his face. "And I love you Anna Smith."_

**Present Day**

John finished the story as they completed their walk around the lake. He hadn't looked at Anna as he was telling the story, just held her hand as he remembered one of the best nights of his life. Now he glanced down and saw her smiling.

"That sounds beautiful John. It sounds perfect. I can see it in my mind. I just wish I could remember it as a true memory."

They stopped back at the original spot of their picnic. It was dusk and the air was getting chilly. John noticed Anna rubbing her hands up and down her arms. He quickly took off his coat and wrapped it around her narrow shoulders. Without thinking he began to brush his hands up and down her arms as he tried to bring warmth to them more quickly. She smiled up at him in thanks and John's felt short of breath. She was so beautiful. Before he knew what he was doing he was reaching for her face with his hand. His mouth felt as dry as the night he had told her about his feelings. His eyes darted down to her lips and he almost groaned when he saw her lips part.

Anna could feel the change in the air. She took a deep breath as his hand cupped her cheek, brushing it softly. She didn't even realize she had parted her lips. She felt a flutter of heat in her stomach. Suddenly she was very warm. She saw him lick his lips and quickly looked back up into his eyes. They seemed darker. She watched as John hesitated for a moment before lowering his head.

A loud crash had them both jumping back in surprise. They both looked around as a deer crashed through the trees and ran towards the lake.

John took another stop back. The deer had brought him back to his senses. What had he been thinking; touching Anna like that? It was too soon. She was too fragile. He couldn't let himself take advantage of her. He couldn't even look at her. He felt so ashamed, he had let his desire get the best of him. He bent down and picked up one of the baskets. "It's getting late and I have to be back in time to get his Lordship undressed. Shall we head back?" John knew he sounded abrupt and cursed himself. He didn't want Anna to think he was mad at her. He hesitated for a moment before turning back around and meeting her eyes. "Besides its getting pretty chilly out here. The last thing I want is for you to catch a cold."

Anna nodded. She reached down for the other basket and followed him back to the path. She was confused. She wasn't sure how it happened, but she knew John had been about to kiss her. And part of her had wanted him to kiss her. Somehow it had felt right. She wondered if she would have let him or would she have pulled away? She honestly didn't know. They didn't talk on the walk back. John seemed distance now. He was right next to her, but he felt miles away. Everything seemed different now. They both stopped walking as they arrived at the cottage.

John glanced down at Anna. He would have to be careful from now on. He had let his emotions get the best of him a few minutes ago. He couldn't let that happen again. It wasn't fair to Anna. He was ashamed of his behavior, of the position he had almost put her in. He opened the door and watched as she walked in. Anna turned around and seemed surprised to see that he stayed on the other side.

"Don't you want to come in for a minute?"

John shook his head. "I don't think I should. I need to get back."

"Will you come back down tomorrow?"

"I am not sure I can. His Lordship has to go to Ripon, I will probably have to go with him." It was for the best that he would be busy tomorrow. He needed to sort through some things.

Anna nodded. It was probably for the best. She needed time to think. Everything had happened so fast. She didn't know how to deal with all these feelings. She smiled. "Good night then." John smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Good night."

Anna watched him turn and walk down the pathway. When she could no longer see him she gently closed the door, turning the lock. She placed the basket on the floor. She would take care of it in the morning. She just wanted to go to bed. All of a sudden she just felt so tired.

John turned back as he reached the end of the path. He could still make out the cottage and he watched as the lights went out. He sighed. He wanted to be there. He wanted to be with her getting ready for bed, he wanted to watch as she braided her hair. He wanted to take her in arms and make love to her. He wanted his life back, but he couldn't have it back. He didn't know if he ever would be able to have it back. He sighed and started to walk back to his room at the main house. He had never felt so alone.

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Once again thank you everyone for reading my story. I hope you are still enjoying it! Feel free to leave a review! :-)


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Anna walked down the pathway towards Downton Abbey. It had been three days since she had seen John. She knew he was upset about the kiss they had almost shared on their picnic. She took a second to admit that at first she hadn't been sure how to feel about it, but having had three days to think about it she realized she had wanted John to kiss her. It had felt right. She didn't know why he was avoiding her. If they couldn't talk like two grown adults, what success would they have in trying to make this relationship work? She might never get her memories back, which meant starting over. She was willing to do that, even without her memories she knew how much she cared about John, and she wanted to try and build on those feelings. She couldn't do that if he continued to avoid her out of some sense of misplaced pride and embarrassment. So here she was heading to the main house to track him down. She hadn't been back since her accident, but she knew it was time to see everyone. To let them know that she was fine-that she was going to be fine. His lordship had told her to take as much time as she needed, but she had realized last night she might not ever be back to work at Downton, not with the baby due in a few months. Even so, she also wanted to get back to a sense of normalcy and the first step was going up to the main house to show everyone that she was fine. Truth be told she wanted to show John she was fine. She had to show him that she wasn't a fragile flower that would crumble because they had shared a moment of intimacy.

She took a deep breath as she reached the servants door. She was surprised that there was no one outside; usually you could always find one person out smoking or trying to catch a moment of fresh air and quiet before they were rushing off to see to the needs of the family. She reached for the door and before she could think too much, she pushed it open and walked in. She started down the hallway and was quickly stopped by a female voice.

"Anna? Is that you?"

Anna turned to look, and smiled as she saw Mrs. Hughes come out of her sitting room. The older woman was smiling broadly.

"It is Mrs. Hughes. I thought it was about time I made my way to the main house, to let everyone know that I was okay."

"Well I am certainly glad you did. Would you like to come in and sit for moment and tell me how you have been?"

Anna thought for a second before nodding. It would be nice to start her journey back with a friendly and familiar face. 'That actually sounds perfect."

Anna followed Mrs. Hughes into her sitting room and sat down in one of the chairs. She watched as the older woman prepared the kettle for tea, and then sat on the chair adjacent to her. "I must say Anna it is very nice to see you out and about. We have missed you around here."

Anna smiled, "Thank you Mrs. Hughes. I am sorry I haven't come up sooner; everything has just been so overwhelming. It's hard enough knowing I can't remember the last nine years, but to also be married and ex-" Anna stopped, she wasn't sure if Mrs. Hughes or anyone else for that matter knew about the baby and she really didn't want to discuss that anyway. "It's just been difficult."

Mrs. Hughes nodded, "I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through Anna. I just want you to know that there is nothing expected of you right now. You can take as long as you need."

Anna nodded. "Mrs. Hughes, one of the reasons I came up here today was to see John-I mean Mr. Bates. Do you know where he is?"

Mrs. Hughes shook her head, "He has been keeping to himself the last few days. He does his duties then spends the rest of the time by himself. He comes down for meals, eats then goes to his room or someplace else equally quiet. I tried to speak to him, but he just said he was fine."

Anna shook her head. "I am afraid that he is avoiding me. Something happened a few days ago and ever since then he hasn't been to the cottage at all. He thinks he has offended me, and he is trying to be noble and protect me." Anna stopped for a moment as a flash of memory invaded her senses. She was outside crying, arguing with John, reaching for his arm. He was upset too, walking away from her. She tried to grasp onto the memory, trying to remember more but it was gone almost as quickly as it came.

Mrs. Hughes noticed as Anna grew silent and watched as the young woman seemed to struggle with something. "Anna, are you okay?"

Anna blinked and focused on Mrs. Hughes. "I'm sorry, this keeps on happening. I keep on having these little flashes of memory. This time I remember an argument with Mr. Bates, and he kept on trying to leave, but I seemed to be asking him to stay."

Mrs. Hughes nodded, "That sounds like the night Mr. Bates left us, when his wife showed up demanding he leave with her."

"Yes, we talked about her a few days ago. I know he left, that he left me because Vera was blackmailing him. I just hadn't remembered any of it, until now."

"Well that seems to be a good sign, that you are remembering some of the things you have been through these past nine years."

"It has, but it is also frustrating because I want to remember more. I want to remember my life with Mr. Bates. Our wedding, the walks we have taken and the laughs we have shared. I know it must have been wonderful, because even without my memories, I feel so happy when I am with him. Then the other night for a few moments we grew closer and I am afraid that now he thinks he took advantage of me, but he didn't. I just want to tell him that, but now he is avoiding me."

Mrs. Hughes smiled. She had always had a special place in her heart for Mr. Bates and Anna. She had watched their love blossom over the years and she had been heartbroken when she had heard about Anna not remembering their love. She knew it was taking its toll on Mr. Bates too. She understood why he was keeping to himself, and as much as she wanted to be there for the valet, she knew he was a private man. Well maybe she could be there for Anna.

"Anna, I don't want to overstep my boundaries, and if I am speaking out of turn please let me know. I just want to say try and be patient with Mr. Bates. These past few weeks have been very difficult for him. I was with him when he heard about your accident, when we thought you hadn't survived. I have never seen a person so broken. Then to find out you were alive, only to discover that your memory was gone, well I can't imagine how that must be; for both of you. He got you back, but in a way you are still gone to him. All the things he is used to doing with you he can't do, he has had nine years of loving you and now he has to stop himself from doing the things that to him are the most natural things in the world. I imagine he is just trying to cope with everything."

Anna thought about all that Mrs. Hughes had shared with her. Of course she was right. She knew John meant well and that he just wanted what was best for her. He just didn't realize that what was best for her was spending time with him and that she wasn't going to fall apart on him. He didn't have to protect her, he could be himself and she wanted him to show her how their relationship had been. These past few days without him had made her realize how much she really cared for him. She may not be ready to be a wife in every sense of the word, but she wanted to move forward and she wanted to do that with him.

"Thank you Mrs. Hughes, you have given me a lot to think about. I think the most important thing is to find Mr. Bates and talk to him. To tell him how I am feeling." Anna stood up and walked to the door, turning as Mrs. Hughes walked up to her. She touched Anna on the arm.

"It was good to see you Anna, please know that I am always here if you need to talk."

Anna smiled, "Thank you Mrs. Hughes."

* * *

John knew he was being unfair to Anna. He should have been back to visit her by now. He just didn't know what to say. He knew he had to apologize for taking advantage of the situation. He didn't want Anna to think he couldn't control himself. It was a struggle to always keep himself in check, to fight all the urges he hadn't had to fight since they were married. It took all his strength to not take her in his arms every time he saw her. It was why he tried to never let his guard down, so he didn't lose control. He sighed; it was all so damn hard. He loved Anna so much, loved this baby they were going to have. They should be painting the nursery, trying to pick out names, cooking meals together, discussing their favorite books as they settled into bed for the night. His thoughts were interrupted as he heard a branch crack. He turned at the sound and his heart nearly stopped at the sight before him.

"Anna? How did you find me?"

Anna had first gone up to the attic to see if he was in his room, when she realized he wasn't there or in the courtyard, she decided to walk the grounds and try to find him. She had been about to give up, she had noticed that the clouds were gathering in the sky and she could tell a storm was coming. She had been walking for about an hour when she came across him in the garden. He was sitting on a bench, almost hidden by the foliage; she might have walked on by if she hadn't seen his cane set against a tree.

"One thing I do remember about you is that you always liked your solitude, so when you weren't in your room or in the courtyard the next logical choice was the garden."

He stood up; he had hoped he would have had time to prepare what he wanted to say. "Anna, I-" He stopped when he saw Anna hold up her hand.

"John, its time I did some talking. It seems like you have done a lot of it these past few weeks, and don't get me wrong, I have loved every minute of it, but I think by not speaking up I have given you the wrong impression. I think you have gotten the impression that I am so overwhelmed by everything and that I am ready to break at any moment and if you make one misstep I will crumble. I think you should know that I won't. Yes everything is overwhelming and yes sometimes I feel like a good cry is the only thing that will make me feel better, but what I need more than anything is for you not to go away again, to not disappear like you have for these past three days.

John let out a laugh, "You said something like that to me once before. I promised you I wouldn't leave you again. That you were stuck with me. For good and proper."

"So why did you disappear these past few days then?"

John looked at Anna, and smiled at the fierceness in her eyes. It reminded him of the old Anna, the one who never gave up on him. Even now, she was the one fighting for them; again. He cursed himself for letting his fears get in the way again. "I'm sorry, Anna. After the other night, I panicked. I was afraid I had made you uncomfortable, that I was pushing things too soon. The last thing I want is for you to think that I can't control myself. I am more than happy to just sit and spend time with you."

Anna sighed in exasperation. "John did you ever think that the one thing I wanted was for you to show how much you care? I am not a fragile piece of glass that is going to break because you kiss me. That maybe what I need to remember our connection is that intimacy? That it's what I want, and when and if it does get to be too much, then I am strong enough to tell you that it is too much?"

"I just didn't think you were—"

Anna sighed in frustration. "That's the point, John. You can't think for me. I can think for myself you know. I may not have my memories, but I still have my brain, and it is more than capable of deciding what I want to do. What I am ready to do." She walked over to the tree he was standing under and looked up into his warm green eyes. She reached up and touched his face.

John sighed and turned into her touch. Her hand was soft and warm. He reached for her palm and placed a kiss there. "Oh Anna, I have been a fool. I was only thinking of ways to protect you that I never thought about the fact that I was taking away your ability to decide what you wanted in this relationship."

Anna smiled, "It may take years to get all my memories back, and I don't want to wait that long to do this."

John started to speak, "Do what?" He stopped as Anna stood on her toes and leaned up and pressed a soft kiss on his lips. John didn't respond for a moment, but the passion of the moment overcame the shock and he pressed his lips firmly on hers. It was brief, but Anna had made her feelings known. This was what she wanted.

Anna smiled at John, "See I didn't wilt did I?"

Before John could speak, a flash of lightening lit up the sky, followed quickly by a clap of thunder. They both jumped at the noise and looked up at the sky, they had be so immersed in their discussion neither one had noticed the storm had finally arrived on their door step. In the next moment the clouds burst open and rain began pouring on them.

John grabbed Anna's arm, "We better run for cover, this storm sounds like it is going to be a strong one."

Anna began to speak when a huge light filled the sky followed by a huge cracking sound, she looked up as a huge branch came falling from the tree towards her. She was frozen in the spot. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. She heard John yell her name and felt him push her out of the way. As she fell to the ground she saw the branch hit him and screamed as he fell to the ground; silent and unmoving. She stood up and ran over to where he was lying. She fell to her knees. "John! John! Wake up!" She shook him, but he wouldn't move. She touched his head and started sobbing as her hand came away red with blood. She had to get help. She stood up and ran out of the garden, crossing the expansive lawn and running to the front door. It only took her minutes but it felt like hours. She pushed open the door and ran straight into the back of a shocked Lord Gratham. He turned to look at her, and saw the state she was in. He grasped her shoulder.

"Anna, what is it?"

She couldn't control her breathing or the sobs that were coming out of her body. "It's John, there was an accident and there is so much blood and he isn't moving." That was as far as she got as a horrible pain shot through her head and she felt herself falling. Then it was dark.

* * *

I'm sorry! Just remember the title of the story. As always reviews are always welcome and appreciated. Your kind words have meant so much to me!


	10. Chapter 10

I hadn't planned on having a chapter up so soon, but boredom and some encouragement from some readers spurred me on to write the next chapter. So thank you ladies, I hope this doesn't disappoint.

* * *

Chapter 10

_Anna was so happy. Her husband was back home. He would never leave her again. She had been so happy to see him walk out of those prison gates. He had looked beautiful in that moment, his hair soft and untidy and a bit of stubble on his face. She always thought her husband was handsome, but there was something so sexy about John when he was a little unkempt. It made her shiver just thinking about it. _

_She looked up at the night sky. The rest of the staff had turned in for the night, but an unspoken glance between her and John and reassured her that John would not be turning in. She knew he would understand where to come, after all the courtyard always been their special place. She smiled as she heard the familiar tap of his cane. She looked up as he entered the courtyard and felt momentarily disappointed to see he had shaved. His hair was still loose and soft, one lock hanging over his forehead. For a moment she wished she could hide his pomade forever, but knew once he started back to work he would want to use it. He smiled as he saw her and Anna's entire body was filled with warmth. It was so wonderful to see that smile light up his eyes again._

_She watched him as he walked towards her, and moved slightly to allow room for him to sit next to her on the crates. She smiled as he sat and reached for her hand. She loved seeing how her small hand was enveloped in his big one. He squeezed it gently and looked up at the sky._

_"I sometimes thought I would never see the stars again. I would try and look out my little window at night, but could never manage to see them." He stopped for a moment and glanced down at Anna. "I don't know how I can ever properly thank you for what you did Anna."_

_Anna put a finger from her free hand to his lips, stopping his words. "You don't have to thank me, John. I am your wife; I would do it again if I had too. I will always fight for you, always know that."_

_John freed his hand to caress her cheek. "I am so lucky to have you, Anna." He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. Anna sighed as he deepened the kiss, opening her mouth slightly to allow his tongue entrance. She heard John groan and Anna let out a little squeak as she suddenly found herself pulled onto his lap. She sighed as his lips moved from her lips to her neck, placing soft kisses along her jawline and neck. Anna tilted her head back to allow easier access and groaned as his tongue followed where his lips had just been. Anna moved her hands inside his jacket, unbuttoning his waistcoat. After freeing the buttons she started on his dress shirt getting three open before putting her hand inside to run her hands across his chest hair. John re-focused his attention to her lips, tasting them with his tongue before deepening the kiss. His hands reached up to unbutton the top of her dress. Anna reached down to the button on his pants. The contact made John pull his head back. Anna gasped at the loss of contact. John looked at her apologetically. _

_"I'm sorry Anna. I got carried away. I don't want our first time together since our wedding night to be out here where anyone can walk out and see us."_

_Anna took a deep breath, she knew John was right. There cottage would be ready soon and then they could be together whenever they wanted. "You're right. I just missed you so much." _

_John pulled her to his chest, "And I have missed you just as much. Every moment of every day I was there in that cell I thought of you. You are the reason I was freed, but you are also the reason I survived it at all."_

_Anna's eyes filled with tears at John's statement. She had to admit she was curious about his time in prison, but also knew that she shouldn't push him to talk about it. She ran his fingers through his hair, loving the feel of the softness on her hands. "I'm sorry it took so long to get you out."_

_John quieted her with a gentle kiss. "Don't ever be sorry, Anna. You got me out, and I will never forget that."_

_"I am just so glad you are back. It was unbearable without you here. I missed you so much." Anna couldn't stop the tears that filled her eyes and fell down her cheeks. "Promise me you will never leave me again." John pulled her back into his embrace, holding her tightly. "I promise I will never leave."_

_Anna pulled away, ready to smile but she gasped and jumped back as she saw John. His face was covered in blood. "What? John? What's wrong?" John just stared at her. She jumped up and yelled his name. "JOHN! JOHN!"_

Anna flew up off the bed screaming, "JOHN! JOHN!" She jumped off the bed, knocking right into Mrs. Hughes who was sitting next to the bed. Mrs. Hughes reached out and grabbed Anna.

"Anna. Anna. Calm down. You were having a bad dream." She gently sat Anna back on the bed.

Anna blinked several times, clearing her mind. Why was she in this room? Where was this room? Was it in London? And if it was why was Mrs. Hughes here? She shook her head. Where was John? "Mrs. Hughes, what is going on? Why are you in London?"

Mrs. Hughes looked at Anna in shock. Was it possible? "Anna what is the last thing you remember?"

Anna thought back for a moment. She remembered getting on the train for London. She remembered being in the garden with John, but it was raining. Why would she be in a garden with John? He wasn't in London with her. "Where am I?"

"You're at Downton Abbey. Anna let me ask you a question. Do you remember your wedding to Mr. Bates?"

Anna looked at her frowning, "Of course I remember my wedding to Mr.—"Anna stopped suddenly as it all came rushing back to her. "I was in an accident? I remember a loud noise on the train and falling. I remember waking up in the hospital, and that I didn't remember my life with John." She closed her eyes as the memories flowed through her mind. "I remember everything. I was in the garden with John." She gasped as the memory of his prone body on the ground flooded her mind. She opened her eyes. "Oh my god. Oh no. Where is John?"

Mrs. Hughes looked at Anna, "So you remember everything then?" She wondered if the trauma of what happened to Mr. Bates had somehow triggered Anna's memories.

Anna nodded, "Yes. But that isn't important. Not right now. Where is John? Is he hurt? Please god; tell me he isn't dead."

"No. He isn't dead, but he is hurt. The branch hit him on the back of the head. He was knocked unconscious. He was brought here, and Dr. Clarkson was brought in to look at him.

Anna tried to take it all in. John had been hurt, saving her. If anything happened to him she would never forgive herself. A thought occurred to her. "Shouldn't he be at the hospital?"

Mrs. Hughes shook her head. "Dr. Clarkson didn't want to move him and risk further injury. They can do just as much here with the right equipment and his Lordship has ordered Dr. Clarkson to spare no expense."

"How long have I been asleep? What happened?"

"Apparently the storm caused a branch to fall onto Mr. Bates, you rushed back to the house and as soon as you told his Lordship what had happened, you fainted. Thankfully his Lordship was able to catch you and after making sure you were settled, he and some of the male staff ran out to find Mr. Bates. That was yesterday."

Anna was shocked. She had been asleep for a day. How had her memories come back? Was the shock of what happened to John enough to make her remember? She tried to remember what the doctor had said about getting her memory back. How so much was unknown about it all. She closed her eyes, none of that mattered at the moment. All that mattered was John. She needed to see John. Anna nodded, "I want to see him." Anna saw Mrs. Hughes hesitate. "If you are worried about me I am fine. I need to see my husband."

Mrs. Hughes nodded and stood up. Anna stood as well and followed her out the door and into the hallway. The hallway had never seemed as long as is it did now. She stopped as Mrs. Hughes stopped at a door at the end of the hall. She knocked softly and stepped back as the door opened and Dr. Clarkson came out. He started for a second as he noticed Anna in the hallway as well.

"Dr. Clarkson, Anna would like to see Mr. Bates if that is possible."

Dr. Clarkson nodded and gestured for Anna to follow him into the room. Anna took a deep breath to prepare herself for seeing John. Still, she was shocked at his appearance. He looked so pale. His face had a day's worth of growth and his head was wrapped in bandages. She could see some of his brown hair peeking between the wrappings. He had dark circles under his eyes and his face looked to be bruised. She fought back the tears as she approached the bed. She would not breakdown. John had been strong for her; she remembered how supportive he had been the past few weeks after her injury. She tried to imagine how upset he must have been to realize that she didn't remember their lives together. What it must have been like for him. She caressed his face being careful to avoid the bruises; she brushed back a lock of hair that was sticking out through the bandages. She sat down next to the bed and looked up at Dr. Clarkson.

"When will he wake up?"

"I don't know. We were hoping he would be awake by now. He did take a nasty hit to the head, but the blood loss made it appear more severe than it was. Obviously there could be more of a brain injury then we can tell at this time. It's a waiting game, I am afraid."

Anna nodded, "Would you mind if I had some time alone with him?" She saw Dr. Clarkson nod his head in acknowledgement and waited until he had left the room before turning back to John and grabbing his hand. She started crying as she felt how cold it was. She was so used to his hands being warm; it didn't seem right that his hand was so cold.

"John, can you hear me? If you can please, my love come back to me. I remember now. I remember everything." She placed her hand on her belly, feeling the soft swell of their child. "I need you. Our child needs you. You can't leave us now, not when I finally remember everything." Anna finally allowed herself break down. She placed her head on his chest, and let it all out. She was still crying when she felt a pressure on the back of her head. It took a moment to realize it was John's hand. Her head shot up and she looked at his face. His eyes were open and he was staring at her. She saw him swallow several times and lick his lips before speaking.

"Anna, my love is it really you? Is it true? Do you really remember everything?"

Anna laughed at his question and kissed him on the lips. "Yes, I remember, I remember it all."

John managed a half smile. "Thank god." She watched as a single tear escaped his eye, and reached up to wipe it away. "I was so afraid you would never remember." He reached for her hand and kissed it. He tried to sit up, but moving his head caused it to swim and he hissed in pain before settling back down. "It seems like I took quite a bump to the head."

Anna smiled. "You silly beggar, pushing me out of the way and getting yourself hurt in the process. Now we both have head injuries!"

John attempted to laugh, but winced at the pain. "Please don't make me laugh. Of course I would push you out of the way. I would do it again if I had to." It suddenly occurred to him that Anna looked pale herself. "Anna are you okay? Were you hurt?"

Anna shook her head, "No, but apparently I fainted into his Lordship's arms after running for help." Anna flushed in embarrassment at the thought of collapsing in Lord Grantham's arms. "When I woke up I was in a bedroom and my memory was back." She saw his eyes fill with confusion.

"I don't understand. How can you just remember?"

"I don't know, we might never know. I don't care why or how, I am just happy that I remember, and now the only thing that matters is getting you better."

John nodded and Anna noticed that he was fighting the urge to close his eyes. "It's okay my love, sleep. I will be here when you wake up." John shook his head.

"No. I can't."

She was surprised to see the fear in John's eyes. "What is it?"

"What if you forget again? What if when I wake up, I will find this was all a dream?"

Anna bent down and kissed his forehead, "I swear to you John Bates, that when you wake up I will be here and I will remember our entire life together. I will remember the first time you told me you loved me, the first time we made love, the first time we slept in the new cottage and that the first time you tried to cook a meal you almost burnt the cottage down."

Despite the pain, John chuckled, "I wouldn't be upset if you forgot that memory." He smiled at her, reaching up to caress her cheek. "I missed you so much, Anna. I missed our life together. I want to hold you in my arms. Will you lay down with me?"

Anna didn't even need to think about it. She pulled back the covers and John slowly moved over to give her room. She felt him sigh in pleasure when she placed her head on his chest and he wrapped his arms around her, kissing her softly on the head.

"I love you Anna Bates."

Anna smiled and leaned up to kiss him softly on the lips. "And I love you John Bates."

It only took a few moments for them fall asleep, with their hands clasped and smiles of contentment on their faces.

* * *

I hope this was okay? I have no idea if a traumatic event like John being injured could really trigger Anna's memories. So I hope it isn't to unbelievable. The next chapter will be all about happy Anna and Bates, I promise! Maybe even a little smut if I feel brave enough!


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Authors Note: I promised Happy Anna/Bates and I hope I succeeded. There is some smut, so I upped the rating, but I don't think it is that much and I don't think it's that good to be honest, but I will let you all be the judge of that. If that sort of thing isn't your cup of tea, feel free to scroll past it, trust me you won't miss too much.

* * *

John looked around his room one last time. He would never return to it again. He was finally moving back home into the cottage he shared with Anna. His injury was finally healed enough that he didn't need to be under Dr. Clarkson's observation anymore. He took a deep breath as the nerves built up. It seemed ridiculous to be nervous about moving back, but it would be the most intimate he and Anna had been since her accident. With the exception of the kiss in the garden on the night of his accident and Anna sleeping with him after he woke up, they had been chaste as he recovered from his head injury. He didn't expect them to fall right back into old habits, but he was happy to be moving back home to be with his wife and unborn child. John picked up his satchel and walked to the door. He was ready to go home.

* * *

Anna was nervous. She wanted everything to be perfect for John's return home. She looked around the sitting room and adjusted the pillows on the settee for the tenth time. She didn't know why she was nervous. Now that she had her memories back she remembered all of the moments she and John had shared in this house. She almost felt as nervous as she did the first night John had returned from prison. She had those same familiar butterflies. Anna touched her belly; smiling softly. She was thrilled with the news of the baby. She wanted to talk to John about turning the extra room into a nursery. She was still five months away from having the little one, but she wanted to have everything ready. She sat on the settee and looked at the entrance way. Any moment now John would be coming home. To her and their baby.

* * *

John stood outside the cottage door. His whole future was in there waiting for him. A few weeks ago he thought this moment my never come, but now Anna had her memory back and they were about to have the family they had always wanted. He knocked softly on the door before entering. As he opened the door he saw Anna jump up to greet him. She walked quickly over to him. As she got to him she looked up and smiled brightly. John couldn't help smiling back. He put his satchel down and reached for Anna's hand. He looked down at the clasped hands and gently squeezed them.

"Hi. How are you?" To his ears it sounded like such a stupid question, but he hadn't felt this nervous around Anna in a long time. She smiled up at him.

"Good, I know this probably sounds quite silly, but I feel nervous."

John laughed, relieved. "Well that makes two of us then."

The laughed together and seeing Anna smiling and laughing took John's breath away. He pulled her slowly to him enveloping her in his arms. Anna relaxed at once into his embrace, and nestled her head onto his chest. He felt her sigh. "Is something wrong my love?"

Anna smiled into his chest at the term of endearment. She looked up at him, "No, it's just nice to be in your arms again. John I just want to say that I'm sorry for not remembering-" She stopped when John brought his hand up to caress her cheek.

"Anna you don't ever have to apologize for that. It was something that was beyond your control."

"I know, but I can't imagine how it must have felt when you realized that I didn't remember our life together. The pain it must have caused you."

John sighed and drew her back to his chest. "I won't lie to you Anna, it was hard. Sometimes I didn't know how to act or how to feel, but I knew I loved you, and I was willing to do whatever it took to help you. I promise I was never mad at you. Didn't you tell me in a time of trouble 'for richer for poorer, for better for worse?' I took those vows too, and I meant them as well."

Anna reached up and placed a soft kiss on John's lips. "I know you did. I love you."

"I love you too." He bent down and pressed his lips to hers, Anna willing parted her lips, letting him deepen the kiss. Soon the kiss became even deeper and John groaned as Anna's tongue slipped out to caress his lower lip. His hands stroked down shoulders, his fingers skimmed the sides of her breasts. Anna moaned at the contact and she began to work the buttons of his waist coast. John pulled away and put his hand on hers. "Anna I didn't expect to, I mean I we can take things slowly."

Anna smiled. "John it has been too long since we have been together. I've missed you, and I want to be with you."

John felt himself reacting to Anna's words, "In that case my love, I want to make love to you in our bed." He kissed her one more time, softly sucking on her bottom lip, making Anna moan. He released her from his arms, and grabbing her hand he led her slowly up the stairs.

Anna watched her as her husband walked up the stairs and felt her heart rate quicken. She couldn't believe that only minutes ago she had been nervous and now all she could think about was making love to her husband. She followed him in the bedroom and let herself be led to the bed. John turned around and kissed her deeply, sliding his tongue into her mouth. She felt him began to unbutton her dress and soon his mouth was on her jawline peppering it with kisses, moving down her to her neck, sucking it gently. Anna practically came undone, tilting her head back. She finished the job that she had begun downstairs and unbuttoned his waistcoat pushing it off his shoulders. She made quick work of his shirt and undershirt and before she knew it she was running her hands through is thick chest hair. She was distracted as John finished unbuttoning her dress pulling it down her shoulders, he began kissing her shoulders as he quickly pushed down her remaining clothes. His lips followed the path of of his hands, which had Anna writhing in his arms. She got herself under control and began unbuttoning his pants and pushed them down reaching for his boxers and taking him in her hands. John groaned at the contact and Anna took full advantage squeezing him gently. John pulled away and looked at Anna, his eyes glazed with passion.

"I'm sorry, Love this isn't going to be the slow romantic love-making I had intended." He groaned again as Anna massaged him gently.

She giggled. "There's always next time."

With that John let out a little growl and swung her on the bed. He stopped long enough to take off his boxers before joining her. He kissed her deeply, and Anna sighed as his hand moved up her thigh to her center and dipped in. Her hips jerked off the bed the contact, and she let out a moan. John chuckled and pulled his hand away. He settled between Anna's legs, wrapping one of of them around his hip as he gently joined them. They both moaned at the feeling and it didn't take long to pick up a familiar rhythm. The room was filled with moans and sighs as they re-affirmed their love for each other.

* * *

A few minutes later Anna and John lay in each other's arms their breathing finally getting back under control. John reached for the blanket and covered them both up. Anna snuggled in closer enjoying the warmth of his body. She ran her fingers through his chest hair. She looked up and smiled, "That was wonderful. I missed you. I missed this." She placed her head back on his chest and sighed. She had never felt so happy.

John smiled and kissed her forehead. "I love you Anna. I have to admit, I didn't quite think my first day back would end up this way. I had this noble plan to be patient and just let us both get used to each other again, before we did anything else. It seems like I just can't think clearly when I am around you."

"I feel the same way Mr. Bates." Anna laughed. "We might not have too many more spontaneous moments like this once the baby comes along." She looked up at John. We haven't talked too much about the baby since my memory came back. You are happy about the baby aren't you?"

John pulled her up and kissed her lips before settling them back down and placing his hand on her stomach. "Of course I am happy. I admit I am scared to be a father. I worry that I won't be able to chase him or her around or keep up with them, but to see you hold our child in your arms and to see you be a mom? Anna nothing could be better than that."

Anna felt the tears form in her eyes and she blinked to try and chase them away. "You are going to be a wonderful father, John. I have no doubt our children will have the best father, because they will have you."

John laughed, "Children? Are you already planning for the next one before this little one is here?"

"Oh yes, I want a houseful of children. I want little boys with your green eyes, and dark hair. They will have your sense of nobility and when they are older they will have your broad shoulders."

John smiled, "And I want little girls with big blue eyes and blonde hair and the fierce determination of their mother."

"Well at this rate we will have to have at least four to get what we want."

"Well it will definitely be fun trying." Anna playfully slapped his chest before reaching up to kiss him. Soon the passion overtook them and this time they had all the time in the world.

* * *

Anna and John had moved into the kitchen for nourishment after spending hours in bed. Anna had wrapped herself up in her dressing gown, while John had put his trousers back on along with his undershirt. John watched Anna silently as she prepared lunch for them. He had always loved watching her in the kitchen. A thought came into is head.

"You know my love I think we will have to turn that extra room into a nursery fairly soon. Do you think it needs a fresh coat of paint?"

Anna turned from her sandwich making to smile, "I definitely think its needs a fresh coat of paint. I was thinking yellow. It would be nice for either a boy or girl and it will brighten up the room."

John nodded, "I will ask the groundskeeper if he has any yellow paint and if he doesn't then the next time I am in town I will place an order for it. We will also have to think about furniture. I can ask his Lordship about it tomorrow when I go back to work. He was so generous in helping us furnish the cottage, and the attics are filled with things that the family no longer uses. I am sure we can find something, and if it anything needs to be repaired, I am sure I can manage it."

John frowned as he noticed tears falling from Anna's eyes and rolling down her cheeks. He quickly rose from his chair and in three steps was at the counter taking her in his arms. "My love what is it?"

Anna smiled. "I just am so happy at this moment, more happy than I ever imagined."

John smiled back and couldn't help the tears that formed in his eyes as well. "We deserve this. Let's enjoy it." He kissed her lips, lingering for a moment before giving her bottom lip a little nip, and then pulling away. "Now, how about some lunch? You have left me famished."

Anna pushed him playfully away and John turned to go back to the table, but not before Anna swatted his bottom with the towel she had been holding. She laughed as John turned back around and grabbed he around the waist playfully. "Why you naughty girl." He pressed his lips to his and a few moments later lunch was quickly forgotten as the table was used for something else instead.

* * *

Okay I hope the smut was okay and not too silly. It really isn't my thing. I foresee probably one more chapter and then a short epilogue and then this story will, sadly, be coming to an end. As always thank you so much for the kind reviews, and please feel free to leave me one about this chapter. Kelly


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

John finished the wall with a final stroke of the paint brush. He turned to look at his wife, who was rubbing her swollen belly and wearing a slight frown on her face. She walked towards the wall to get a closer look. She turned to John.

"It seemed lighter in the can."

John sighed. They had already painted the nursery three times. The first time they had gone for a beautiful yellow, which Anna decided looked too much like the color of butter. So they decided on a pale cream, which Anna deemed too boring and not suitable for their baby's nursery. So finally they had picked a lovely shade of light green; which apparently wasn't light enough.

"Anna, I told you it would look different on the wall. I think it's lovely."

Anna did a slow circle. She still wasn't convinced. "I don't know it just doesn't seem warm enough."

"Well I think it is plenty warm, and really what choice do we have now? The baby is going to be here in two weeks. We don't have time to paint it again. This is my last day off before the baby comes, and you certainly are not going to be climbing any ladders in your condition."

Anna nodded, "I guess it will have to do. " She turned to walk out of the room. "Let's have some lunch and then we can start bringing in the furniture. "

John followed her out of the room and down the stairs. He started speaking as they entered the kitchen. "Why don't you sit my love and let me make lunch today."

"Thank you John, that sounds lovely. I am feeling rather tired today. And your son or daughter has been very active today." She sat down and watched as John put several sandwiches together. She couldn't believe the baby would be here in a few short weeks. It seemed like they still had so much to do.

John turned with the two plates and placed one in front of Anna and sat down with the other one. He picked up half of his sandwich and went to take a bite, but stopped when he saw Anna frowning down at her sandwich. "Is something wrong, Love?"

"It's just that the ham is too thick. I like it thin."

John sighed, "Anna I really couldn't get it any thinner, it would have fallen apart."

"Well I guess it will have to do."

John turned back to his sandwich, taking a bite and after chewing, spoke again. "Why don't you just relax this afternoon and let me bring the furniture in. It isn't all that heavy, I can manage it myself."

"No, I want to help. I can at least carry the light stuff." Anna picked up her sandwich and took a small bite. She made a face, "Are you sure you can't get this any thinner?"

John looked up at his wife and reached for the plate. "I'll see what I can do."

* * *

John finished carrying in the last piece of furniture. They had placed everything in the center of the room so Anna could decide where each piece would be placed. She was in the corner looking at the window.

"I was thinking about putting the crib next to the window. Can we try that?"

John nodded and pushed the crib over by the window. "What side do you want it on?"

"Let's try the left side first, and then put the rocking chair on the right." John did as he was told and left Anna to put the linens on. He began setting up the rest of the furniture. He heard Anna sigh. He turned to look at her.

"I don't think I like it. What if the sun bothers the baby's eyes? No I don't like this at all. No I think I want it where the dresser is. Can you move it over there?"

John took a deep breath. "Are you sure this is what you want Anna? I really don't want to spend the whole afternoon moving furniture all over the room."

Anna shot him a frown. "Well if the well-being of your child isn't important to you, then you can just go downstairs and I will do it myself. "

John frowned, "That is hardly fair Anna. I have been more than patient with your constant pickiness over the past few weeks, when everything I do seems to not be good enough for you."

Anna's mouth formed a deep frown. "I hardly think wanting the best for our child means I am being picky!"

John sighed; he never should have said anything. He knew it was just the pregnancy affecting Anna and really did it matter if he moved the furniture around a few times? "I'm sorry love, you are right. I will move the crib." Anna smiled and John realized he could put up with Anna's pickiness just to see that beautiful smile.

* * *

Four hours and five room changes later, Anna was finally happy with how the room was and John was exhausted. He just wanted a quick supper and a soak in the tub before going to bed. Anna had asked him to get a fire going while she put dinner together. John hoped it was something besides meat pie. Anna had wanted nothing but meat pies for dinner for the past month and John wasn't sure he could look at another meat pie, let alone put it in his mouth. He finished with the fire, washing his hands using a basin of water set up on the side table. He dried his hands quickly and headed for the kitchen. Anna was putting the plates on the table. John's stomach actually constricted as he took in the meat pie. Maybe he should plead illness and sneak down for something later. He looked at Anna.

"Meat pie, is it?"

"Yes, I had such a taste for it. I hope you like it." She looked up to notice a grimace cross John's face.

She frowned. "What? Don't you want meat pie?"

"No, it's fine." John sat down and reached for his napkin. He looked up wondering why Anna hadn't sat down yet. "Aren't you going to sit?"

"No, I want you tell me why my meat pie is not good enough for your dinner."

"Anna, really it's fine. Now please sit down and eat."

Anna threw down the towel she had been holding. "No I want to know why the meal I worked hard to make for you isn't good enough." John looked up in shock as Anna burst into tears and started sobbing.

He quickly stood up and walked around the table. He pulled Anna into his arms. "Shh, love. It's fine. I am sorry. I am a stupid stupid man. The meat pie is delicious. I could eat it every day." He kissed her head and stroked her hair until the crying subsided. Anna hiccupped and broke into a chuckle.

"And you have." She looked up at John. "Oh darling, I am so sorry. I know I have not been the easiest person to live with these past few weeks. I swear I don't know what has gotten into me."

John ran his hands up and down her arms before cradling her face. He used the pads of his thumbs to wipe away the remaining tears on her face. "Anna you have another life growing in you, you are allowed to feel and do whatever you want."

Anna smiled. "I guess this is where the 'for better for worse' part of our vows come in. Now be honest, do you really want to eat this meat pie?"

John shook his head, "I would rather read poetry to O'Brien."

Anna laughed. "You must be sick of them. Okay, you sit down and I will fix something else."

John shook his head, "No you sit. I will find something. Enjoy your meat pie." He couldn't help but smile as his wife devoured the pie in front of her and chuckled as she reached across the table to eat his as well. Anna looked up at the sound.

"What? I am eating for two after all."

* * *

Anna and John had woken up the next morning and after seeing how beautiful it was out had decided to go for a walk. It was a rare warm day so they decided to take full advantage, and after stopping by the main house and sweet talking Mrs. Patmore into making them a picnic lunch they set out. They walked until they came to an open meadow. The trees and flowers were blooming and it was beautiful and the sun seemed to make everything sparkle. Anna watched as John set down the blanket and smiled gratefully has he extended his arm for her to lean on as she slowly settled on the ground. "I am afraid it is going to be a chore to get me back up."

John smiled, "I am sure we will manage to get you up just fine." He sat down and started setting everything out. He was reaching for the sandwiches, when Anna put a hand on his arm.

"Before we eat, can you just hold me for a little while? I am afraid we won't get many more chances like this once the baby is born."

John quickly closed the basket and adjusted himself until he was lying down. He opened his arms and Anna snuggled into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and placed soft kisses on the side of her head. She sighed and snuggled in deeper. They both closed their eyes and in moments they were both asleep.

Anna opened her eyes, confused for a moment about where she was. She smiled as she remembered they had decided to go for a picnic. She was still wrapped in John's arms and he was snoring softly. She reached up to touch of piece of his hair that had fallen over his forehead. She smiled at how peaceful he looked. His face was totally relaxed and he was wearing a slight smile as if whatever he was dreaming was making him happy. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath and just as she felt her body relax a sharp pain had her eyes opening again. She placed her hands on her stomach, waiting to see what would happen. It seemed to only be a minute or two before the sharp pain came again. She closed her eyes against the pain. She took some deep breaths and turned to wake John.

"John. John. You need to wake up."

John slowly came awake and opened his eyes, he looked up to see his wife sitting up, holding her stomach and grimacing in pain. He quickly sat up. "Anna? What is it? The baby?"

Anna nodded. "I think your child is ready to see the world."

John stood up as quickly as his bad knee would allow and looked around helplessly. "We are at least an hour away from Downton Abbey. Can you even walk that far?"

Anna started to answer but another pain ripped through her stomach, the pain was almost unbearable. She felt something give and felt wetness between her legs. She looked up at John with growing fear. "I don't think that is an option. Oh god John I think this baby is coming now!"

John looked down in horror. "I will go get help. I can get—" He stopped as Anna let out a yell. He fell to his knees, ignoring the pain it caused. "Anna what should I do? I don't know anything about delivering babies!"

Anna looked up with tears in her eyes, "I have a feeling you are about to learn." She let out a deep breath as the pain took over again. John took off his suit jacket and formed it into a make-shift pillow, then gently leaned Anna back until her head was on the pillow. He looked down at her helplessly.

"Anna, should I unbutton your dress? What should I do?' John hated hearing the fear in his voice. He had spent years fighting a war and in prison facing death, he should be able to handle the birth of a baby. He wiped the sweat that had suddenly appeared on his brow.

Anna looked up. "You better take off my shoes and stockings and everything else. Leave the dress on though." She stopped as another pain took over. They seemed to be getting close together. "John you better hurry. I don't think it's going to be too much longer."

It wasn't long, about twenty minutes later, the pains were coming very close together, and John kneeled next to Anna as she fought through the contractions. He held her hand and used his handkerchief to wipe at her brow.

"John I need to push. I can feel the baby coming. I need to push."

"Okay, love. Then push. I am right here. It's going to be okay. I promise you it's going to be okay." John tried to keep the fear out of his voice. What if something went wrong? He had no experience with this, but he had heard enough stories about births that had went horribly wrong. He had heard about the horrible way Lady Sybil had died. What if the baby didn't want to come out? What if Anna started bleeding? They were out in the middle of a meadow, what the hell was he supposed to do if something went wrong? He was pulled back from his thoughts by Anna's yell.

"John I think the baby is coming. JOHN!" Anna screamed as she pushed and John turned and looked between her legs. He was stunned at what he saw.

"Anna, I can see the head. I can see the head." John's voice cracked with emotion. This was his baby. His baby was coming. Something in him snapped and suddenly he felt calm. "Okay, Anna push again, just one more time." He reached down as Anna pushed and grabbed the baby's shoulders as they slipped out. One final push and John pulled the baby up an out. It wasn't moving. It was just lying there. John began to panic. "Anna, the baby isn't moving. What do I do?"

Anna was crying, "You have to find a way to clear the airway. She watched John as he looked for something to use. She saw him bend down to the tiny baby. She closed her eyes as she heard the first cry. She watched as John swaddled the baby in the button down shirt he had taken off before Anna had started pushing. She smiled as John looked up with tears in his eyes as he moved to place the babe in her arms.

"Say hello to your son."

Anna started crying harder as John spoke those words. She had a son. They had a son. Anna looked down at the swaddled baby. "Oh John; he is so beautiful." He had his father's dark hair, his eyes were still scrunched up but she noticed he had her nose. He was perfect. She looked up at John who was looking down at both of them with tears in his eyes. He placed a kiss on her forehead before doing the same with their son.

"Congratulations Mama. You were great Anna. I have never seen anyone so brave."

"I couldn't have done it without you. Thank you, John. Thank you for our son."

"I think I should be thanking you." John put his arm around Anna and pulled her and the baby closer.

It was more than he ever hoped for. It was better than he had ever imagined.

His family.

* * *

I am like John, I know nothing about giving birth or babies, so I hope it at least made sense. I will be writing an epilogue over the next few days. As always please leave your reviews.


	13. Epilogue

Well here is the end of the story. I admit I am a little sad to see the story end, but I had a lot of fun writing it, and I hope you all had fun reading it! As this was my first story in a very very long time, I never expected to get so many great reviews and messages about it, so I thank you all so much! I plan to start my next story this weekend, I am going to try my hand at a modern Bates/Anna AU.

* * *

Epilogue

John opened the door to the sound of laughter. He smiled. He slowly closed and locked the door behind him and walked into the living room. His wife and son were sitting in the center of the room, heads bent over a book. He stayed as quiet as possible, enjoying the sight before him.

He must have made some noise, because Anna looked up at him and smiled, and even after all these years John's breath was still taken away. It had been six years since that day in the meadow when Anna had gone into labor and John loved his wife more and more every day. His mind drifted back to that day all those years ago.

_After making sure Anna and the baby were okay, John had walked back to Downton Abbey and phoned the doctor and had several of the male staff help him get Anna and his son back to the safety of their cottage. After Dr. Clarkson had arrived and checked on Anna and the baby and declared that they were both perfectly healthy, John had come back up to their bedroom and walked to the bed where his wife and son lay. John looked down at his perfect family and felt the tears streaming down his face. _

"_He's perfect Anna. And you're perfect. Thank you for giving me my son."_

_Anna smiled up at him. "We will have quite the story to tell him when he is old enough to understand what it means."_

"_We will tell him how brave his mother was and how scared his father was." _

_Anna laughed. "Trust me John; his mother was pretty scared too. The next time I am two weeks from giving birth we are going to be staying very close to home!"_

_John looked down in surprise, "You just gave birth and you are already thinking about the next one?"_

_Anna laughed, "Maybe a little. However before we start planning for the next one too much, maybe we should give this little one a name?"_

_They both looked down at their son, who was sleeping against Anna's chest. John had never felt his heart so full. He reached down and gently passed his hand over the baby's soft hair. _

"_I have been thinking of names for the last few weeks. What about Andrew David?"_

_Anna looked down at the baby and softly whispered the name. She looked up at John and smiled. "Andrew. I l love it."_

_John smiled and leaned down to press a kiss on his forehead. "Welcome to the world Andrew David Bates. My son."_

John was brought back to the present when the subject of his thoughts looked up and noticed his father. "Papa! You're home." Andrew was already tall for his age and was the spitting image of his father with John's dark hair and green eyes. John watched as his son rushed over and threw his arms around his waist. He wrapped his arms around his son and bent down to place a kiss on the top of his head.

"Hello Drew. How are you son?"

Drew started to speak but was cut off by a high pitched giggle as a little streak of blond curls hurtled herself down the stairs. "Papa, papa!"

John managed to drop his cane just in time before catching the small bundle of energy as she threw herself off the stairs into his arms. He kissed her soft curls before placing her gently on the floor. She immediately wrapped her arms around his legs. John looked down and smiled as he remembered the day she came into their lives.

_Anna had been in labor for hours. This baby wasn't coming as easily as Andrew had six years ago. John paced the small living room for what felt like the millionth time. Dr. Clarkson was with her and John knew she was in good hands, but he was crazy with worry. The air was punctuated with moans of pain and John knew the end must be near. He was taken back to the memory of Andrew's birth and how it had felt to deliver his child and he wished he could be in the room with Anna now. His head jerked up as he heard a loud scream followed a few moments later by the cries of a baby. John's eyes filled with tears at the sound. He was a father for a second time. He started up the steps stopping at the top as their bedroom door opened and Dr. Clarkson stepped out. _

"_Doctor, are Anna and the baby okay?" John asked nervously._

_Dr. Clarkson smiled. He reached out to shake John's hand. "Mother and baby are fine. You can go in and see them." John smiled in thanks and walked through the door, his breath momentarily gone as he saw his wife with their child for the first time. He had to hear from her that they were both fine._

"_Anna are you okay? The baby?"_

_Anna looked up and smiled. "We are very fine, come say hello to your daughter."_

_John's eyes filled with tears at Anna's words. A daughter. He had a daughter. He slowly walked over to the bed and Anna moved over to make room for him to sit down beside them. He placed a gentle kiss on Anna's lips before looking at the bundle she was holding in her arms He could already see that she would have Anna's blonde hair. He brushed a hand down the soft fuzz and placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head. _

"_Would you like you hold your daughter Nora Grace?" John could hear the question in Anna's voice as she offered the name._

_John looked at Anna as she spoke the name. "Nora? It's beautiful." John reached for baby Nora and as he held her in his arms he knew what complete happiness was. He thought back to a few years ago when Anna didn't remember their life together and he hadn't known what their future would be. Yet here they were with a handsome smart son and now a precious daughter. Things he had never imagined he would have until he met Anna. Now he had a family beyond his wildest imaginings. _

John was once again brought back to the present by a persist tugging on his pants leg. He looked down at three-year old Nora, who with her blond hair and beautiful blue eyes looked just like his Anna. He slowly walked to the settee with the small girl wrapped around his knees. Once he was settled down he picked her up and placed her on his good knee, bouncing her up and down until she starting giggling.

Anna walked over to them and rubbed her hand over Nora's curls. "Sweetie, it is time to change into your night clothes and get ready for bed." She looked over at her son and smiled. "Drew would you mind helping your sister? I need to talk to your father for a minute."

John smiled as he watched his son take hold of his sister's small hand and lead her up the stairs. He turned back to Anna and reached out to wrap his arms around her. Anna went into his arms willingly and giggled as John pulled her into his lap. He pressed his lips to down to hers and Anna opened them slightly to allow him to deepen the kiss. After a moment she pulled away, but not before placing one more gentle kiss on his lips.

"I love you."

John smiled. "I love you too. Now what is it you have to talk to me about? "

Anna smiled and reached for John's hand. "Well you know how I haven't felt well the past few days?" John nodded. He had been concerned for his wife after coming home the past several days to her complaining of not feeling well and being tired. He had finally convinced her to see Dr. Clarkson. "Were you able to see Dr. Clarkson? Is everything okay?" John felt the panic fill him up. If anything was wrong with Anna, he wasn't sure how he would be able to cope.

Anna laughed and stroked her hand down his face. "I am fine, John. In fact Dr. Clarkson says I am very healthy. I am very healthy and also very pregnant. You're going to be a father again."

John looked at Anna with shock in his eyes. "You're going to have a baby?" John was shocked. They had talked about having another one after Nora had been born, but when trying hadn't produced any results they had both agreed they were very happy and satisfied with the two happy healthy children they already had. They felt blessed with their life and had made peace with not having any more children.

Anna smiled and nodded. She giggled as John's face broke out into a huge grin. "Oh Love, just when I thought my life couldn't possibly be any better." He pulled Anna back down and kissed her on the lips. He placed several quick kisses there before leaning her back to look at her face. "Have you told the children?"

She was about to answer when she heard an upstairs door open and Drew appeared at the top of the stairs. "Mama, Nora is ready for bed and she wants Papa to tell her a bedtime story." She looked down to see John grin. Reading to his daughter was always a highlight of his day.

"Tell her I will be up in a minute son."

Anna rose from John's lap and offered a hand to help her husband up. "Instead of the usual story, why don't well tell her about the princess getting a new brother or sister? We can tell them both."

John nodded and followed his wife to the stairs. As Anna walked up the stairs, John looked around and took in his home. It had been filled with a lot of laughter and love these past six years and soon it would be filled with the noises of a new baby. It was everything he had always wished for but had never dreamed to hope for until he met a beautiful housemaid all those years ago.

He turned off the light and followed his wife up the stairs and into the bedroom. He closed the door behind him and soon the house was filled with giggles and cheers as the happy news was heard for the first time. Those sounds would fill the house for many years to come.

* * *

Once again thank you for reading "Love Will Always Win." It was so much fun to write. Any final thoughts are greatly appreciated! Look for my new story "Two Is Better Than One" very soon!


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